October 30, 2006:

Another week, another challenge to the Insider brought down in a non-event. The so-called "Inside on the Insider" that was threatened never materialized. As one reader points out:

"I would be the first to admit that that any report that would be a retort to the Insider Report, would be doomed to fail. If I was a bettn’ person, and I am, I would bet on it failing for the following reasons: 1) some of subjects in the report are generally more ‘speak first, think second’ people and thus makes their antics much more interesting than that of the Insider. 2) the Insider is far too reserved to let any thoughts escape without going through the rapid editing filters that some of us lack at moments throughout the day. 3) People are lazy." The Insider is still betting on the last reason. Bring it on.....

1. The week begins with another stressful MNF game, with the Insider up by 7 points going in, and his opponent still having a couple of players left to play. Moral of the story - never bet against the Insider. Record now stands at 4-3, which is probably 3 to 4 more wins than expected by everyone else in the league. And Native Edmontonian thought Oiler playoff games were stressful.
2. After driving by her old house, Trina is upset with the new owners cutting down her prize rose bushes. The Insider believes that by giving Trina a lot of money for the house, the new owners might be entitled to do renovations under the property laws of Ontario.
3. The details on the First GT CN Tower Climb Challenge can be found on the special supplement Insider Report that is issued this week. The challenges for the next CN Tower climb are already starting. The excuses for the loss by the women continue.
4. Quote of the week - "You try spending 4 days on your back". - Anonymous
5. The yellow light concept now must extend to Au. Note to David - women holding at the age of 29 might be a little sensitive on the "age issue".
6. A dark day this week - Native Edmontonian finds she can no longer wear sandals to work. Cheer up. At least Torontonians had to break out the winter gear before you packed away the summer wardrobe.
7. The Insider finds out about conversations between Kimberly and the Outcast (formerly known as The Sister). The fallout includes Kim suggesting (demanding?) that the Insider attend the "One of a Kind show" later in the month. The standard retort applies for whenever Kim suggests attending some sort of girlie type event - Kim, take your husband.
8. A heated discussion is witnessed between Kimberly and Trina on the location of Kim's sweater. Kimberly laments that she might buy Trina her own sweater to prevent Trina from stealing Kim's.
9. When Kimberly complains that she may be coming down with a fever, she suggests that either Trina or the Insider kiss her forehead to find out. After being genuinely shocked that both Trina and the Insider refuse, she comments that "Paul would do it." The Insider provides no further comment.
10. In a follow-up story, Kimberly relays the fact that after blowing her nose, she feels dizzy. The Insider is still not convinced that this wouldn't have happened without her being sick.
11. The new season of the Battlin' MacLeans starts with a birthday as Mama MacLean celebrates a special birthday ending a zero. The Insider is told that the primary gift involves ordering in something from Tiffany's, with little hearts to represent the three children. Or the three cats, whichever she prefers. (Props go out to a reader for the contribution of this line).
12. FedEx continues to be on the MacLean Hit List ("S" taken out from the start of one of these words to avoid spamming software issues). Something to do with delivery people not quite understanding how Glace Bay works. The Insider believes that the List now includes, or has in the past has included, Starbucks, FedEx, Air Canada, Shell, and various banks, but the Insider is too tired to maintain this list on a regular basis. Luckily, the FedEx complaint department can thank efficient GT personal in the Sydney Office for being spared the Wrath of MacLean.
13. The counter-intelligence manoeuvres begin this week against the "Inside to the Insider" report. This includes feeding false information to potential co-writers. Will they do fact-checking? Are they lazy? Bring it on....
14. Kim leaves a note for Paul this week. Per Paul: "It was a very nice note….even started out with 'Dear Paul', which is much different than a 'Dear John' letter. Indicated she dropped by and was very disappointed that I was not here and that there were clues that I was around….the green apple pop, the apple on my credenza, and my 80’s jacket". Readers should keep this note in mind for later in the Report.....
15. The term "Mook" is apparently not in the Cape Breton to English lexicon.
16. A sign on Kimberly's door for most of the week indicates "do not disturb", as she was in a course. The Insider is slightly upset when hearing others ask if the sign should read "Kim is disturbed?". The Insider, of course, is upset that the didn't think of the shot.
17. Alternate quote of the week - "I feel like I’m in a little hobbit house in here…..like the walls are closing in but I don’t want to leave. Weird huh?" - Kimberly Robinson after being in seclusion for the course all week.
18. Both Trina and the Insider raise an eyebrow when hearing the women ahead of Trina in line order mayo & ketchup on her bagel.
19. E-mail from Kim this week: "Okay on my bad food list so far is: Chinese food from food courts and egg sandwiches from the salad place. While I was eating it, something started to crunch."
20. Deborah pulls a Paul when she suggests that Kim looks pasty faced.
21. Cops should never try to fix their own computers. The correct approach is to have their wives demand that IT professionals buy them sushi dinners, and then fix the computer for free. (Stupid Robinsons).
22. Trina continues an ongoing discussion on what is "cold" for Torontonians. Note that this was on the way to breakfast where Trina was dressed in full winter regalia, including a scarf, with the Insider dressed in a short sleeve shirt.
23. After the breakfast trip, Trina realizes that she left her sister on hold.
24. When pictures are taken throughout the National office, the following is learned:
    • Most marketing people will pose for pictures at the drop of a hat.
    • Some finance people would rather take the pictures than being forced into having one taken of them. (picture of Trina withheld, but might be disclosed for the right price).
    • IT-type people pose for pictures with the arms folded at chest level.
    • Some marketing people are as camera shy as F&A.
25. The Insider can confirm that the new chocolate brownies from Dominos Pizza do indeed contain milk. So much for doing anything this weekend.
26. There isn't enough "Yellow lights" for this upcoming move. Previous reports (See IR Vol#1, Iss#12, Points#12 and 13) documented the difficulties that Kim had in providing Fashion Consultant advise to Paul. As his shopping excursion from Sunday proves, If he intends on going shopping without Kim in the future, he should not, under any circumstances:
    • Go to Holt Renfrew without her.
    • Go to Banana Republic without her.
    • Spend more than $1,000 on a wardrobe without her.
    • Buy everything at full price.
    • Tell Kim after the fact.
    • Ask her for a "second opinion" once everything has been bought and paid for, in a blatant effort to save face.
27. The weekend ended with a dominating win by both the Bears and the Brom Bombers. No need for a stressful Monday night to determine a winner. The trash talking may soon commence, with the now 5-3 season and third place standing.
28. Plans are well underway for the First Annual November Birthday Extravaganza. Details and invitations will be forthcoming, but one reader seems to be overly excited about the 80's theme being planned. Too excited some might say. Note to Paul: Your jacket and Farrah hair are both from the 70's, not the 80's.

Insider out.

Based on anonymous sources, the Insider presents the following:

1. Power bars should be consumed prior to 1 hour before the climb.
2. The National Team Captain (known as **Nickname deleted by editor**) discovers that going out the night before may not have been a wise last minute training move.
3. Does anyone from the National team know what anyone from the GT Toronto team looks like?
4. A final jog around the building after the climb proves challenging due to the "cold" Toronto weather.  Prairie people smirk in amusement, and debate whether to put on a jacket.
5. The Insider's latest Vegas odds of 7:2 with the women as underdogs prove fairly accurate with the men edging out the women for the side bet victory.  Lunch presentation is tentatively targeted for November 3 in the National Office lunchroom.  Additional exchange of cash completed second side bet.  Results of third site bet involving GT Toronto office are unknown as of press time.
6. Let the excuses for the side bet loss continue - "I was sick."  "I was still tired from the previous weekend."  "Au tricked me."......
7. Note to men:  Never let the losing team pick the menu for the side bet settlement.  Stock up on Pepto in advance.  This one may be messy.
8. After events included a Samuel L. Jackson sighting.  Sources had him being stalked through the crowds by some GT staff, which may have included pushing innocent bystanders aside.
9. Note to 14th floor:  GTNet Support may be a little grumpy/tired today.
10. The Insider sends congratulations to anyone who completed the climb.

• The Insider is never to be embarrassed.
• The Insider can make any editorial changes required for truthful or humorous reasons.  Heck, it does even need to be truthful.
• The Insider can refuse to print anything.
• The Report is all about current events.  The shelf life for submission is about 2 weeks at best in order to be considered for publication. (e.g.  That means that Baby MacLean is going to need to ask Heather or Kimberly about yoga mats, as that story would never appear in the Report).
• The Conditions are subject to change at any time based on the sole whims of the Insider.
• Fact checking will be enabled for any story relayed by anyone who currently has, or has ever had, a last name of MacLean, Bromilow, Robinson, Thompson or MacInnis.  May as well add Savoie too.  The exception is the Insider himself, who always relays the truth albeit with minor editorial changes from time to time.

1. The week started off with a stressful MNF game.  Being down 20 points and in order for the Insider to win his fantasy football game, the Bears defense and/or kicker had to score a bunch of points, and the Bears star receiver had to be shut down for limited catches and no TDs.  Following a half-time score of 20-3 against the Bears, things did not look well.  Moral of the story - never bet against the Insider.  Bears rally, defense scores 3 TDs, Insider wins.  More importantly, Bears win.
2. Note to Deborah:  When listing off names of heavy metal bands, do not include Our Lady Peace.
3. The new office was met with all kinds of security this week related to a concert at the ACC.  Security measures included searching of cars before entering the underground parkade, and installation of temporary metal detectors.  The Insider was unaware of the potential danger for Barbara Streisand concert goers.
4. In a related story, the Iron Maiden concert the previous day presented no additional security measures.  Not as tough a crowd?
5. On visiting the new offices, Kimberly laments on the need for a backscratcher.  Guess the big screen plasma TV isn't a good enough perk for her.  Different priorities for different folks.  When the Insider points out that she can scratch her own back, Kim retorts that Paul would scratch her back for her.  The Insider presents no follow-up comment.
6. It is found out that several GT maintenance agreements do not include the 14th floor offices.  Does this give the Insider carte blanche on spending?  Stay tuned.....
7. The latest story of Paul pulling an Ellsworth has been now deemed to be not OTR, but the shelf life has now expired.  Plus, it's too complicated to write all the details.  Readers are encouraged to contact Paul or the Insider directly for details. 
8. Kimberly relays great amusement in a voice mail message left by the Insider, where the Insider was accused of speaking somewhat faster than normal. 
9. E-mail received on Saturday - apparently Native Edmontonian is now sick, less than 12 hours before the CN Tower Climb challenge.  Another ready-made excuse for losing side bets?
10. A special supplementary edition will be (was) issued on the results of the CN Tower climb.
11. In the story of the week (year?), several female readers threaten the Insider with the publication of "The Inside on the Insider", representing a tell-all type retaliatory report.  The stories would be generated by polling other readers of the Report with the ladies being confident that there would be a bunch of submissions.  Knowing what's involved in writing a report, the Insider looks on with great amusement and offers the following reflections:
    • People are lazy.  This includes both the potential writers, and the potential sources of submissions.  The Insider doubts that the ladies are willing to invest in the time required in compiling submissions and composing the Response to the Report.
    • The Insider remembers the last time these same ladies offered to ghost write the Report during the European Tour.  Other readers will remember this as the Dark Ages when there was no report, as the ladies got "too busy".
    • The Insider fondly remembers previous challenges.  The ladies are encouraged to talk to Baby MacLean who caved within 30 seconds.
    • The ladies should also talk to people in Winnipeg and determine why the Insider's nickname was "The Emperor" or "The Devious One".

Bring it on....

Insider out.

October 16, 2006:

1. After receiving an e-mail with an unmarked and unknown photo sent by Kimberly showing her beside a car, the Insider asks for the context of the photo.  The quote received back: "The context is that I look good!".  At least she didn't pull a Trina.
2. Quote of the week - "Slide the papers under the door". - Kimberly to the Insider after the slight case of laryngitis.
3. The Insider's fame spreads to Calgary.  Cries of "Yellow light!  Yellow light!" could be heard after Paul engages in a conversation regarding needing a pre-nup in case his future idiot wife leaves him.  Luckily his dining companion is aware of the Insider's traditional warning to Paul. 
4. Quote from Kimberly on hearing this latest story - "I have to disagree about the future wife being an idiot and say that the current Paul is a BIG IDIOT!  Paul Ellsworth starring in How to lose a girl in 10 minutes." 
5. Apparently one excuse for the lack of short term cognitive thinking is a lack of blood to the head after being on one's back for three weeks.  The Insider will leave it to readers to figure out the context of this remark.
6. Certain readers have developed a new strategy for dealing with people - "Lying always works".
7. Native Edmontonian is already looking for excuses on reasons why the upcoming side bets on the CN Tower Stair Climb will be lost.
8. Trina calls the Insider a "Brat!" after being graciously offered Mrs. Field's cookies.  The Insider begins to wonder about the nature of women, but the words "Yellow light!  Yellow light!" start replaying in the mind.
9. An attempt at a new entry in the Prairie Speak lexicon is made this week - "my gosh".  The Insider remains unconvinced, and is thinking that this is just Native Edmontonian's ongoing attempt at Retro, along with her new-found love of grunge music.  In all fairness though, the phrase has been uttered by Marketing Type People, but never by Haligonians or Cape Bretoners (at least not in the presence of the Insider).
10. Native Edmontonian also seems overly excited about the upcoming Iron Maiden concert.  Comments made by the HR department may be leading to an attempt to recover youth.
11. Easiest way to confuse the cashiers at Wal-Mart - cover up or take off the bar scan on big items.
12. The Insider continues to be amazed at Torontonian Saturday drivers, after being cut off twice by a female driver who tries to turn into a lane that is closed.
13. The Insider continues to be amazed at Torontonian Sunday drivers, observing all kinds of strange behaviour.  This includes seeing people just sitting in cars in parking lots, and one woman sleeping in her car in the Loblaw's parking lot.
14. Full Bears regalia will be on display tonight for the upcoming MNF extravaganza.
15. Paul's North American tour continues on this week to the East Coast, after successful stops on the West Coast and Prairies.  Note to Cape Bretoners:  the furthest east he goes is New Glasgow.
16. When the Insider mentions that he has a birthday reminder for both Kimberly MacInnis and Kimberly Robinson in his calendar, Kim quickly points out that this means she should receive two gifts.

Insider out.

1. Kim's new office lamp caused a flurry of activity.  The new lamp was obtained because the old lamp was "heating her up".  Readers are encouraged to insert their own follow-up punch line, as the Insider is too tired.  Cries of "Help me!" and "Do I have to put something together?  There's all like diagrams and crap." could be heard from her office.  This prompted an immediate investigation of alternative office space for the Insider.
2. With the subsequent move to the upstairs floor, (Yes, it's upstairs, Deborah), Kimberly and Trina had great fun called the new MIS department the MIA department.  Ladies, leave the humour to professionals.
3. This week's Dilbert strip included a character that coming from a place where they have many colourful folk sayings that don't mean anything.  The Insider contemplates how to relate this to Cape Bretonese/ Haligonese, but is warned by a long-time reader about the painful effects on his health and mental well-being if that road is travelled.  'Nuff said.
4. Native Edmontonian's battles with the HR department continued this week with friendly challenges related to the climbing of the CN Tower stairs.  While the Insider can appreciate a good side bet, three might be a little extreme.
5. After the first day of training, Native Edmontonian could barely walk the next day.  As this was supposed to be OTR, the rest remains confidential.
6. It is the opinion of the Insider that Trina is destined to never actually own a new bank card.  Note to readers:  Ask her about it.  She loves relaying the stories.
7. Time taken by Kimberly and Deborah to organize an outing to the Blue Man Group - 10 months and counting.  Time taken by the Insider, once he gets fully frustrated and takes over, including actually going to the event - 7 days.  Ladies, leave organizing to the professionals.
8. The start of Paul's cross-Canada tour included lost luggage when arriving in Victoria.  At least he didn't have to try to retrieve his luggage speaking a mixture of broken Italian and English.
9. One of the opening lines from the Sister after stepping off the plane in Toronto - "I'm going to all over the report this week!".  The Insider chuckles on hearing this statement.
10. The Sister's annual trip to Ikea started out with the phrase "Ooooo, look.  Carts!".  Sigh......
11. At the dinner on Saturday night, the Maternal Parental Unit finally confirmed what the Insider has known, and claimed, all along.  "My daughter is the Outcast of the family".  I think the new nickname for the Sister has been achieved.  (Insert evil laugh here....)
12. The fame of the Insider continues to grow, when his full legal name was in big red letters on stage at the Blue Man Group show.  The audience then chanted his name aloud, and was encouraged to give him lots of love.  Doubters can contact the Maternal Parental Unit or the Outcast for confirmation.
13. Bears win!  Bears win!

Insider out.

1. Native Edmontonian is not impressed with the "Angelina Jolie" makeover performed by a Cape Bretoner this past week. Apparently she would rather opt for the more expensive cosmetic surgery option than being hit in the face on the volleyball court.
2. Native Edmontonian is further upset this week when HR personnel start making comments about people over a certain age. While this age shall remain unmentioned in order to protect the aggrieved, it was not a good week for some people. Challenges for the CN Tower Climb are issued in retaliation.
3. The Insider looked on in amusement when Toronto DJ's start commenting on it being "cold". The Insider also sees Torontonians shivering and covering up with multiple jackets while walking from the subway. To any prairie folk reading the report, the temperature was 4 degrees. However, as that was Celsius, not Fahrenheit, so the Insider just continues to shake his head.
4. When Paul debates on eating a muffin this week, the comment mentioned to him was something to effect of why a "slim guy like you" should worry about adding butter to the muffin. Paul utters a belly laugh in response.
5. The Sister is already making plans for the annual(?) Ikea trip.
6. It is discovered that the Blue Man group will soon be ending their run in Toronto shortly. As anyone associated with the Insider has been deemed completely incompetent in organizing tickets to this event, the Insider may soon have to take matters into his own hands.
7. Paul's newest method of making friends and influencing people - handing out free chocolate. As he received this chocolate from Trina, it is unclear at the time of the writing what Trina's response will be to this discovery.
8. SWF moment of the week - "all I need is Kim" - The Sister. The Insider has no idea what the heck this means and is hoping that this will scare Kim off from various planned activities.
9. An interesting dinner with Belinda Stronach is had on Saturday. Or is that Hillary Clinton? The Insider loses track of women politicos.
10. An interest set by the live band on Saturday included some songs not normally associated with a Celtic band, including "The Tide is High" by Blondie. Certain people are put off by the "singing" of the blonde lead singer.
11. With Kimberly's trip to New York this past weekend, the combination of a Cape Breton accent combined with New York speak should be interesting.
12. This coming week includes the second annual Toronto Expedition of the Sister and the Maternal Parental Unit. Operation Cover-up has already begun.