November 27, 2006:

The self-proclaimed by some "Month of Birthdays" is now over.  The Insider will be grateful for the upcoming rest....

1. Follow-up e-mail received from last week's report: "Woohoo!!!!!!! I made # 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".  Marketing people get excited over the weirdest things.  The Insider's eye may have to go back for follow-up surgery following the excessive use of exclamation points.
2. Poor cold Torontonians.  They must get all bundled up when the temperature hits below zero.  In a related story, the Insider debates which icy beverage to order.
3. Quote of the week - "I have a big one at home!"  - Native Edmontonian.  Readers can attempt to figure out the context for this on their own.
4. Native Edmontonian also extols the virtue of pills this week.  Readers can attempt to figure out the context for this on their own.
5. A Winnipeg Sun story this week tells the story of how the city Brandon is importing beer from Alberta and rebranding it for the 125th anniversary of the city.  A quote was solicited from a random Albertan - "I love it!!!  First the oil, then beef, now the beer.  At least the rest of the country is finally catching on to who rocks!"
6. The latest conspiracy is started against the Insider.  Trina and Native Edmontonian feel that the Insider should continue to provide Trina with beverages in order to "gain the good feeling of doing a good deed for others".
7. A lame practical joke is attempted on the Insider this week.  Side bets were even taken as to when the Insider would notice.  Do they really want to wake the bear?  Standard counter intelligence efforts will now be initiated.
8. Overheard from Kimberly's office this week - "Yes, you still have to buy me a birthday card!"
9. It is discovered this week that women will need to stop to admire the window displays at the downtime Toronto Bay store, regardless if you are walking or driving.
10. In a related story, women also need to stop to admire Christmas trees.
11. Alternate quote of the week - "I should make a tree made out of balls!' - Kimberly Robinson.  Readers can attempt to figure out the context for this on their own.
12. Trina's fear of grates materializes this week with the sudden death grip on the arm of the Insider while going to grab some lunch.
13. An offer to take Kim out for her birthday because her husband got called into work turns into a 2 hour shopping trip, plus 50 KMs in driving, plus the dinner.  The Insider is still thankful that there is no current Matthew McConaughey movie playing.
14. The ongoing cries this week of "It's my birthday, so you have to do what I want!" brings back traumatic childhood memories.
15. When did "Poets" by the Tragically Hip become classic rock?  (Stupid Toronto radio stations).
16. Memo to Paul - if you drink 8 drafts in one night, you may wake up with a headache the next day.  Good thing Sundays are all about watching NFL football.

Insider out.

1. Trina's new deep sexy voice is blamed on the "head cold" she is experiencing.  The Insider recalls that Marketing people have used this tactic in the past.
2. Nickname of the week for Paul - "Half-pint".
3. A Marketing girl's response to the cookie exchange - Buy the ingredients and have someone else do the cooking.  Sounds like a guy's approach.
4. Quote of the week - Native Edmontonian is "looking for a few strong men".  Not sure why Paul was included in the e-mail, though.
5. Celebrity sighting of the week - Axl Rose, coming out of his Hummer limo in the basement of the ACC.
6. The members of the 14th floor have taken to assigning nicknames to everyone in the area.  Anyone want to venture a guess as to who "Loud Talker" is?  Hint - it's not the Insider. 
7. This week's episode of the Battlin' MacLeans has Mama MacLean perturbed over the lack of credit for stepping up and baking Aero Bar squares.  In an effort to keep the peace, the Insider takes full blame for not mentioning that the squares were made, in the haste to get out last week's report.
8. In a related story, Mama MacLean sells out Elder Battlin' MacLean by revealing EBM's talent determining whether Jays' fries have gravy on them or not, without opening the box.  As every submission received by someone with a last name of MacLean must be fact checked (see lots of previous Reports), the response received by EBM - "NO COMMENT!!!!".  Sounds like verification has been achieved....
9. Heather seems overly excited about the 80's them party - "I just need to say that this will be the best 80's music ever heard.  Kim sent me a list of like 400 songs and asked ME to deal with it so I'm also adding a few of my own. :).  EVERYONE WILL want copies of this multi CD collection."
10. In a related story, it is always best to check in advance if the host's CD player can read your burnt CDs.
11. The Insider receives a phone call from Paul on Saturday while shopping at Value Village for the 80's party.  Why wouldn't he just wear something from his existing wardrobe?  On second thought, his current stuff dates back to the 70's, and might not be current enough.
12. In a related story, the sweaters that Kimberly forced Paul to throw out (see IR Vol#1, Iss#30, Point #11) work just fine as 80's wear for her husband.
13. In modelling his "new" 80's clothes, the group quickly determines that the outfits Paul choose could be worn today, and is more chic than most of his current wardrobe.  The Insider suggests that Paul should choose the "opposite approach" when buying clothes (Seinfeld reference for those playing along at home).
14. Paul's best category in the Trivial Pursuit game - the Red one.
15. To close out the weekend - Bears win, Vikings lose, Brom Bombers maintain a 32 point lead in the week's game going into the Monday nighter.  Good game, Prime Time.  At least the Monday night game shouldn't be too stressful tonight.

Insider out.

November 13, 2006:  (issued November 16, 2006)

Under the category of better late than never, here's this week's Report.  Complaints on lateness can be expressed to the usual complaint department.

1. Follow-up e-mail received from last week's report:  "That yellow T-shirt is not even 6 months old!!"
2. The Insider once again learns that opening e-mails from anyone named MacLean while the laptop is connected to an overhead projector is a risky proposition at the best of times.
3. Quote of the week - "Typical man...wanting the woman to wait and still be appreciative." - Anonymous.
4. A huge debates ensues on the virtue of the "Red Stuff" at the buffet lunch.
5. Trina and Native Edmontonian start and continue conspiracies on the Insider supplying tasty beverages after their noon time run.  Outlook appointment requests are even sent out.
6. Alternative quote of the week - "National staff don't do anything" - National Office Team Captain
7. Given the colour of the shirt worn on Friday, Paul becomes scared to sit up front at the comedy show, in fear of being targeted by comics.  The Insider remains unconvinced that the shirt is the primary issue.
8. Paul stuns the table with the highly controversial discussion related to brain development being related to eating meat.  Subsequent investigations provide evidence to support Paul's claim, to the utter shock of some.
9. Native Edmontonian now claims she must be the smartest one, given the amount of Alberta beef consumed in her lifetime.
10. Second alternate quote of the week - "I have no culture." - Paul Ellsworth
11. When the waitress asks Paul and Heather if they are a couple, several quick responses run through the Insider's mind.  Best answer - "A couple of what?"
12. Third alternate quote of the week - "All that's on my mind was the sex." - Paul Ellsworth
13. Fourth alternate quote of the week - "I can be clueless." - Paul Ellsworth
14. This week's episode of the Battlin' MacLeans includes a directive by Baby MacLean to the Insider to specifically mention that Jay's Chicken was being served for the Monday night dinner.  The Insider assumes this represents the equivalent of fine dining in Glace Bay, and this directive is issued in order to enrage(?) Elder Battlin' MacLean.
15. The week concludes with another win in the MBFFL by the Insider.  Sorry K-Dog.  Next up, Prime Time.....

1. Kimberly accuses Trina of sitting on her hard-boiled egg that was left on the corner of Kim's desk.  Trina's reply - "I think I would know if she was sitting on an egg!"  Nurturing instinct maybe gone too far?
2. Trina laments that the only costumes on sale for women this year all involve skimpy skirts.  She indicates that she may have to resort with the Supergirl costume that she saw, and "how would that look in the office?"
3. The list of things that Kimberly has accused Trina of stealing from her office now include her sweater, binders, pens, and her John Meyer CD.  As Trina vehemently denies taking the CD, Kimberly now has resorted to placing a yellow sticky note on the CD case - "Trina did not take the CD".  Memory going in her old age?
4. Random e-mail received this week - "Paul must have quite the accent... he left me a voice mail and I have absolutely no idea what he said".  The Insider replies that generally Nova Scotians' accents start becoming unintelligible for three reasons:
   • They are in a rush and are talking fast.
   • They were talking to another person living in the homeland and the accent comes roaring back.  (see Robinson and MacLean(s) as examples)
   • They are drunk.
5. Native Edmontonian seems particularly upset that e-mail is being blocked back to the homeland.  Cheer up.  Is anybody really that eager to get another "Regards, Regards" e-mail?
6. One proposed solution for a National Office giveaway to business units - voodoo dolls in the form of your favourite National Office employee.
7. Kimberly continues the tormenting of the Insider with a 9 hour e-mail invitation to the One of a Kind show. Her response when the Insider responds - "Forget this tentative crap."
8. Quote of the week - "All Edmontonians are inbred."  - Native Edmontonian.  There was probably some sort of context for this, but darned if it can't be recalled.
9. The settlement of the CN Tower bet occurs this week with Native Edmontonian and National Office Captain putting on a lunch feast for the winners.  Not sure about the choice for music though.
10. During the initial part of the week, GT Sydney office employees may have been in trouble with certain Battlin' MacLeans after dipping into the Halloween stash and using up most of the milk reserves as a result.  This was more than made up for by the good word put in by the Insider for the efforts made in securing the birthday gift in a timely manner.  There may be a request for AeroBar squares made to Mama MacLean in the future.  Will the request be granted?  Further episodes of the Battlin' MacLeans will sure to include follow-up details. 
11. Note to Paul - when asking women about being able to keep sweaters, if the sweaters have a Byway tag, your mother did not make them.
12. Second note to Paul - you may want to consider not wearing old, faded, creased, yellow shirts to the office on Sunday unless you want to continue to be mistaken for the cleaning staff by other people who may be in the office.
13. According to some Haligonians, all men are immature.  Must be the rationale for marrying an older man.
14. In a crushing way to spend a Sunday, the Bears winning season comes to a grinding halt.