March 26, 2007:

Too tired for preliminaries.

1. Trina's choice of high fashion - leather jacket, hoodie, dress pants, combined with running shoes.  It's a good thing that the Insider's Fashion Consultants didn't get a view of this outfit.
2. Given a choice between sleeping in or waking up at the crack of dawn to see the new Disney movie for free, Kimberly will opt for sleep.  The rationale of the Insider must slowly be rubbing off.
3. Excuses given by one anonymous reader (**cough cough Trina cough cough**) on reasons why she hasn't been running:  It's tough to go in the morning, it's tough to go at night, it's too cold, I don't have anyone to run with.
4. Quote of the week - "I am so hungry.  I am eating like a cow." - Muffin.
5. Native Edmontonian's Day from Heck starts out with the ceremonial dropping of the ceramic mug onto the baby toe.  It continues with a ballet-like performance outside her house.  The day ends with Rogers disconnecting her cable service.  The Insider casually suggests she enjoy a cold one and then head for bed in order so that her karma doesn't cause the whole frigging city to explode.
6. Muffin espouses on the OTC drugs smuggled into the country.  The Insider recalls similar conversations with other Marketing-Type-Persons.
7. "Girls react to pressure by yelling at people" - Native Edmontonian.  (Note that this is an undocumented scientific fact, and it may only involve yelling at Rogers' Technical Support people.  The Insider recalls eerily similar events involving National Office Team Captain a couple of weeks ago).
8. It is believed that the Rogers' issues led to several "pointless conversations".
9. Phone greeting of the week - "Bite me.  You're going down".  - Native Edmontonian to Au.  It is assumed that this is related to ongoing trash talking related to the upcoming CN Tower climb.
10. The 14th Floor Epic Battle of the Sexes commences with Native Edmontonian tossing the first grenade.  Badly.
11. Alternate quote of the week - "I naturally assume every budget has a cushion built in." - Kimberly Robinson.
12. The Outcast is the pretty one?
13. Trina's motherly instinct kicks into overdrive anytime she finds out someone hasn't bothered to get their OHIP card yet.
14. Muffin may regret the hastily thrown out "Gimpy" nickname.
15. Paul returns the recently purchased leather jacket, and replaces it with a suede one.  Alone.....  On his own.....  Without any fashion consultant advice.....  His plan for when asked "What happened to that nice leather jacket we bought you?" - Avoid some women altogether for at least a one month period and change topics immediately when questioned.
16. 5 hours in the Emergency Room is not the best way the Insider has spent a Friday night, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Insider out.

1. Sigh... Another week, another challenge directed towards the Insider, based on the feedback received. "As for pt #18 - this is not the entire story, shz! I am now questioning the authenticity of this report. The line was not fake. Tried Au's name too, but obviously both of you boys are not hooked up in this city. Did enter the VIP line up & it worked, so there. As for pt #20 - can you be more original please! oh my... that's right, copy the girl, cause she started this one." Bring it on.
2. An enthusiastic response (some might say over-enthusiastic) is received from the e-mail regarding the Day at the Movies. Maybe Uncle Paul will take Kimberly. This response from the Insider prompted another Hangman e-mail. A new trend continues?
3. Trina's acrobatic skills come in handy this week. Her daughter's still needs some work. Although both require further training on the dismounts, and so are only awarded 7 out of 10.
4. Is Muffin upset with the Insider? Is the envy of the Insider's lunches running rampant? The lunch talk of pasta turns ugly? Further investigations may be required.
5. Native Edmontonian decides to risk the further ire of the Insider and defaults on payment for IT services. Time to send in Guido & The Boys Collection Agency.
6. Quote of the week - "That women smells like coconut." - Trina Savoie.
7. Paul's attempt at making small talk - "Where are you idiots heading?"
8. Reader contribution this week - "Au asked that I pass on to the Insider that I feel that boys are more skilled at playing basketball than girls. He strongly urged me to forward this on, so therefore I am." - Native Edmontonian. The Insider's response - "Chicks play basketball?"
9. Some people seem overly excited about the ceramic painting party on Saturday afternoon. When the Insider asks "Isn't that for kids?", Kimberly's response was "No, it's for girls!"
10. Kimberly decides to take a slight detour on the drive to the party. Anyone want to guess how long the detour was in KMs? The over/under has it at 75 KMs.
11. Mothers do indeed like birthday cards with talking monkeys on them. The Outcast has no idea what she's talking about.
12. Note to Deborah: when you tell everyone that they have to wear green to a party, it is sort of implied that you should be dressed in green too.

Insider out.

March 12, 2007:

The annual dark times are over. The first week of March brings the start of the Baseball draft. A lot of The Insider's free time will now be consumed.

1. Reader response this week indicates confusion regarding the "Marketing-Type-Person" nickname, as it has represented different people from time to time. Apparently, some readers are concerned that they will be mistaken for having chair danced from time to time. While this will eliminate some anonymity, the Insider is happy to comply with such requests, and will henceforth discontinue the use of the term "Marketing-Type-Person" and adopt different nicknames - Buckley and Muffin.
2. Quote of the week - "Hurry up. My time is precious". - Native Edmontonian.
3. Some people need astronomy lessons. The big ball in the sky during night time is not the sun. It might be the moon (or may just be a clock tower).
4. The Insider has flashbacks to the 6:00 AM drive in Glace Bay. At least this time the Insider offers to stop for coffee.
5. The charter member of the Toronto Chapter of Red Bull's Anonymous may soon be announced.
6. An e-mail goes out regarding the next CN Tower climb, prompting a follow-up rant by Native Edmontonian asking the Insider why he did not respond to the request. Consequently, the Insider graciously volunteers to drink Vodka and eat the free and satisfying brunch at the top of the stairs, while watching other people make the treacherous climb. This may also involve shouting "words of encouragement". (Or he may just pay money to get out of everything).
7. Au to Native Edmontonian on potential side-bets related to the CN Tower climb - "You're going down". Native Edmontonian response - "Actually we are going up the stairs, but if you want to go down, that's fine by me." (Note to readers - not all prairie people are innately funny, so send your words of encouragement along.)
8. This week's episode of the Battlin' MacLeans featured a guest appearance.....Mr Paul Ellsworth, Esq. After receiving a veto on the "skanky women" resort, Paul attempts to deflect controversy by concocting wild stories about the resort with the "opening" between the bathroom and the bedroom that could not be closed.
9. "I’ve got 10 years on David...if he is elderly I must be ancient." - Paul Ellsworth on his physical ability of climbing up the CN Tower. Note that the Insider thinks that the 10 years must be dog years, based on a quick set of calculations.
10. "When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!!" - David Au (as submitted by Native Edmontonian in an effort to get out of being the quote of the week)
11. The big excitement in Trina's life this week - not having to get up from her seat to get food and drink service at the Raptors game.
12. The Insider receives a second game of e-mail hangman this week. Is this a new trend that is starting? The Insider does note that it might just be an attempt to swear without getting caught by anti-spam software.
13. Trina announces that she is on strike from cleaning the microwave at her house. The Insider is not convinced that her family will even notice.
14. Is it a bad sign that Native Edmontonian makes a heart-felt plea on Friday that all of the events from the upcoming Au birthday extravaganza on Saturday night should be deemed as OTR?
15. It seems that Trina may be a more twitchy front seat passenger than the Insider. At least the heated seats provide some small comfort.
16. Other passengers seem surprised at the choice of reading material of the Insider, but it does provide some insightful commentary on the drive.
17. The Insider arrived to the office early on Saturday morning (don't ask) to find a new voice mail message from Friday night. While it's unclear as to what prompted the phone call, a couple of points can be assumed: 1. Apparently, old guys need less rest than previously thought. 2. Old guys become distracted when pretty girls pass in front of them while on the phone. 3. Old guys get confused when they drink and try to phone the Insider at the office on Friday night at 11:00PM. Sigh….
18. Native Edmontonian develops a strategy for making the points from Saturday night OTR...showing up late, and standing in the fake lineup for half the night. She does attempt to drop the Insider's name in a vain effort to jump into the VIP line.
19. First rule of going out - Tip the waitress. Some people tend to forget this rule.
20. It's probably time for the Insider to unveil a new Google Talk logo. The "Anti-Oiler" graphic may provide some hours of amusement.

Insider out.

March 5 2007:

Some weeks it's tough to be humorous in the grand scheme of things, but the Insider perseveres.

1. Quote of the week - "Why are people surprised I've never been in a bar fight?" - Native Edmontonian.  (It's comments like this that ensure ongoing inclusion in the Report.)
2. Paul's driving skills are on full display with his efforts to avoid the drag racers on Dufferin.  Marketing-Type Person gives Paul full credit for saving her life.  The Insider remains unsurprised, as he has taken his own life in his hands numerous times with the antics of Scotian drivers.
3. Apparently, Marketing-Type-Person's reaction to extreme trauma - falling asleep.
4. Alternate quote of the week - "We ended up in the boonies surrounded by cows just to get a bargain!"  - Kimberly Robinson.  A good reason to blow off a shopping trip with the Insider, one supposes.  Investigations into replacement fashion consultants continue.
5. Is there yet-another attempted conspiracy between Kimberly and the Sister?  Gift baskets might be exchanged when the Outcast comes for a visit to Toronto in August.
6. Feedback is received from a number of readers asking the Insider if there were any pictures of Marketing-Type-Person's table dancing.  The Insider cautions readers to read the points more carefully, as it was chair dancing, not table dancing.  However, in more encouraging news, when presented with the demand from readers, Marketing-Type-Person's response - "Mix the pudding".
7. The Farewell to Marshall extravaganza seems to be all about request for tickets to 2010.
8. The Insider would hate to be working for Rogers Cable this week, given the National Office Team Captain problems with Rogers, and subsequent reactions.  Apparently "6ish" means different things to different people.
9. The Insider is not fully convinced that Marketing-Type-Person's suggestion to add a blooper reel at the end of the Marshall Presentation was not just a way to gain additional camera exposure.
10. In attempting to make a final clean of the apartment before giving it up, Marshall decides to use Jet Dry for cleaning the walls and windows.  Native Edmontonian shakes her head, and immediately takes charge of all cleaning efforts.  (Note: shaking your head at the pathetic actions of others appears to be a Prairie trait).
11. Topics of conversation from the Marshall farewell lunch were too numerous to mention.  Highlights include:
    • The three hot chicks on the social committee will have Paul wrapped their little fingers.
    • The tea pouring competition continues to mixed results.
    • The traditional Marshall over-ordering of the Bok Choy.
    • National Office Team Captain asking others if they could believe that people would bring their own brooms to the GT curling day, and then acting a little sheepish when others at the table pointed out that the Insider owns a curling broom, and brought his to the event.  (Note that the Insider just shakes his head).
    • Whether or not hockey pucks are an authentic dim sum dish.
    • The Insider's judicious use of the concept of OTR.
    • The lack of the requirement of a forensic audit when the Insider paid for the meal.
12. Kimberly decides to send the Insider a Hangman in response to an e-mail sent by the Insider.  All the Insider knows is that it was 6 letters, and contained an "E".  Readers are encouraged to submit their own guesses.
13. Buckley's fascination with gas continues.  E-mail received by the Insider this week:  "Make sure you have gas....it is insane trying to fill up."  It is assumed that she is referencing automotive fuel, but given her comments in previous Reports, the Insider remains suspicious and on guard.
14. Marshall runs into all kinds of issues trying to transport a curtain rod back to Vancouver with him on his flight.  The Insider just shakes his head, especially when Marshall asks him to go get an oversized plastic bag from the Air Canada counter.
15. The vetoes continue to pile up.  Although one had to be utilized in order to get the Insider out of hosting a Pampered Chef party.  On second thought, a free trip to Paris might be an inducement to host one.
16. In some people's eyes, Tollhouse Squares are more manly than chocolate chip cookies.  In the Insider's eyes, either is acceptable for settling debts owed for IT support.
17. In related news, the Insider seems to have built up a credit for a three course meal for another incident of providing IT support this week.  Re-publishing the rates seems to be creating demand.
18. Note to readers, in the event that the Insider is fielding multiple IT calls, and is unable to get to your call in priority sequence, the first thing to try with any IT problem is the BRS solution.  BRS=Big Red Switch.  (i.e. power it off, then power it back on, and see if it works).
19. An e-mail is received this week on the upcoming Annual West Coast Ball.  Long time readers will recall last year's festivities was the genesis of the Insider Report, and resulted in the creation of one of the best nicknames ever (see IR Vol#1, Issue#1 at http://brommer71.spaces.live.com/).
20. The redesign of the Insider Report web-site is underway, with a relaunch anticipated soon.
21. For some mysterious reason, given a choice between driving or twitching in a passenger seat (while stepping on imaginary brakes because other drivers never break on time, combined with worrying about why the driver is going too fast or too slow, or changing lanes too often or not enough, plus why is it so hot in the car, and why are we listening to this radio station, and what does this dial do..), the Insider will choose to drive.  There are no excuses needed, as the Insider fully admits to being a type-A personality.
22. The activities of Sunday night remain mostly OTR, at the request of others, but the Insider will never look at Swiss Chalet sauce, instant coffee and his toilet in the same way again.  (Readers are encouraged to draw their own conclusions, which will be wrong).

Insider out.