July 17, 2006:

The last Insider Report before the extended hiatus related to the 2006 European Tour.  Readers are warned not to accept any substitutions while the Insider is away.  Several long-time readers have offered (threatened?) to stand-in for the Insider while he is conducting his extensive research on Mediterranean "culture".  A duly appointed proxy may be nominated before the start of the trip.  Volunteers may be accepted.  All other pretenders to the throne will be prosecuted.  The LEVEL (Legal Expertise of Very Expensive Lawyers) remains on red alert.

Note that irregular updates may happen on the official website of the Insider and the Insider Report: http://brommer71.spaces.msn.com/

1. A competition ensues this week related to how many times 2 long-term readers will get mentioned in this week's report.  There will be a tally at the end of the report.
2. The work week starts off with Deborah and Kimberly having an extended conversation with Trina regarding her hair.  For some reason, this fascinating commentary takes place right outside of the Insider's office, resulting in 5 minutes of his life that the Insider will never get back.
3. An entry in the Daily Show desktop calendar this week  "Spain is the world's leading exporter of naps".  Picture is on the website in the Misc section.  The Insider quickly checks his plane ticket and tour itinerary to determine if Paul secretly changed the trip from Italy.
4. SWF moment of the week - Kim may need to quickly purchase the ivory couch from Ikea that the Insider has already picked out.
5. Big news on the Glace Bay front, as Baby Battlin' MacLean now feels like a "real person" by landing a job.  Her reaction:  "Woop woop!!!!!!"  {sic}.  Welcome to the real world, kid.  The first paycheque can be spent frivolously.  The following ones are all about bills.
6. It is assumed that the new season of the Battlin' MacLeans will begin the first week of August, when the new season opens up with a special on-location episode.  Readers are encouraged to get their front row tickets now. 
7. Kimberly starts an investigation on whether a new pet qualifies for extended parental leave.
8. Note to Paul: When telling a joke, it works better if you don't say the punch line halfway through the joke.
9. Paul reconsiders the fighting with his fashion consultant when he gets a series of compliments related to the shirt that Kim bought for him.  The smirk on Kim's face is visible for at least 2 days following.
10. In a related story, Paul is now re-evaluating his objection to the "Layered Look" for general office wear.
11. Additional term added to the Haligonian to English lexicon this week - "Holy jumpin'".  It's not a phrase uttered much in Manitoba.  We would just swear instead.
12. Kim has great fun reading the Italian to English phrase book.  She claims that the Insider may need to memorize the phrase "Ho un problema con cattivo odore" given the Insider's choice of roommate for the trip.
13. Foot in mouth disease continues when Paul tells Deborah "You'd look good with gray hair".  Cries of "yellow light, yellow light" were ignored when he proceeds to try to explain himself.
14. The iconic and wise axioms of Al Bundy are espoused in e-mails during this past week.
15. Youngsters and their techo-speak?  The Insider is momentarily confused when the acronym "WTB" appears in an e-mail this week.  After a bit of confusion, it is finally attributed to a typo of "BTW" and thus an entry in the Cape Breton to English lexicon was voided.
16. Most unsurprising comment of the week:  "I am allergic to public transit." - Kimberly Robinson.  This from the same woman who said she was going to be walking to work during the summer.
17. In addition to the previously documented fact of having a big head, Paul also confirms that he has a hard head, after relaying a story about head butting someone else unconscious.
18. Toronto economic development plan - stadiums, parades, sports teams, conventions.  Glace Bay economic development plan - bring in a bird.  http://www.capebretonpost.com/news.aspx?pname=News&section=News.  Click on the "Select a Story" button, and select Heron Heaven from the drop down list.   (Standard message about web link wrapping for the technically challenged in the crowd).
19. The Insider earns solid marks from the Organizer for the cleaning effort related to the Friday Night Extravaganza, with a grade of B being awarded.  In guy terms, this means good enough.  In female terms, it means that small extra steps have to be taken before the rest of the guests arrived.
20. The game of dirty pictionary provides some unexpected results into the minds of certain individuals.  The sheets will be removed from the easel before it is returned to the office boardroom.  
21. The game of Twister produced no lawsuits for the LEVEL to deal with.  There was one tweaked knee during the event, but the Insider has determined that there wouldn't be much point in suing himself.
22. Pictures of the first Friday Night Extravaganza are now available on-line at the web site.  One picture has been deemed OTR and has not been posted.  Interested parties can contact the Insider to receive a copy.
23. The high school yearbook photos of the Insider remain hidden for the foreseeable future. 
24. One of the funniest moments at the comedy club on Saturday night is produced from the phone call from Andrew and Lisa, when it is determined that they are going to the wrong comedy club.
25. Saturday night produces different views on the two waitresses.  Despite cries of "no tip, no tip", the post forensic audit reveals the Insider tips the first waitress the correct amount.  The second waitress provides amusement to the group, after using sarcastic wit at both Paul and Andrew.  (Not that this was a hard challenge for her).
26. Text message from the Sister when she spies the Organizer nickname assigned to Kim: "But.....*shocked looked....*I* am the organizer!"
27. Entry on the Sister's blog this week:  "Grown men playing Twister = so wrong. Even if they are drunk."  The Insider had to inform her that it was actually the women who suggested playing.  The pictures were mostly of guys, because the women sucked at the game and were out early.

28. For those keeping score at home, Paul wins the Appearance Challenge 7-0.  Forensic audit will probably ensue.

Insider out.

July 10, 2006:

Plans are now finalized for the European tour.  Only one more Insider report until the trip gets underway.  Readers should note that there will be a disruption in service during this time.  The complaint department can be reached by texting the cell phone.  It should be an interesting visit to Italy given the results of the World Cup.

1. "The Woman Who Shall Not Be Named" shall be known this week as Lemondrop.
2. The week's edition of the Battlin' MacLeans features a start-up of the war by Lemondrop.  Photoshop altering of an old photo of Baby may be involved.
3. Tag line being used in e-mail coming from the Sydney GT office - "Keeping Macleans's together since May 2006."  This may be the reason why the Battlin' MacLeans haven't been as battlin' recently.
4. If Native Edmontonian may want to remain anonymous, it's probably not a wise idea to refer to Nova Scotians, especially Cape Bretoners, as lightweights and city slickers.
5. Follow-up comment from the Native Edmontonian when told by at least one Cape Bretoner that they've never been a city slicker in their life:  "Big talk from those 'nappers'."  The Insider senses a challenge....
6. Most surprising comment of the week - "Someone should light a fire under my ass." - Kimberly Robinson.  The Insider is hoping she was talking about getting motivated, and was not referring to the pizza lunch from the painting party last weekend.
7. SWF moment of the week - Kimberly and Deborah buying the same belt while on a noon time shopping trip.
8. Kimberly's reaction to Paul's Top 10 Things to Look for in a Female list - "Paul, we have to seriously discuss this".
9. Separate comments from the Native Edmontonian this week "so men are not only sensitive, but lazy too…" followed by "ok, so men are sensitive, lazy and grumpy..."  The Insider senses a possible second challenge?  So much for trying to remain anonymous.
10. It was revealed this week, that in addition to game worn shirt, Kimberly and Deborah would no problems wearing game worn shoes either.
11. Foot in mouth disease continues.  When Paul does a few double takes at the two driver licenses of Kim taken a couple of years apart, the correct answer to the question "Do I look that much fatter, Paul" is no.  In fact, the correct answer should have been not to be doing the double takes in the first place.
12. As a result of this incident, the Insider is now instituting a yellow light policy.  Whenever, Paul is about to say something really bad through sheer ineptitude, the Insider will mutter "Yellow light.  Yellow light" under his breath.  (Or will scream it out loud if selective deafness ensues.)
13. With the circus being held at the ACC this week, the elephants being kept in the basement leads to some interesting odours.  It is a good thing that Linda is headed back to Cape Breton for the weekend.  "Ultra Terrifying.  Clowns and dancing bears.  Ughhhh...."
14. This week's Dilbert cartoons that features the Insane Chicks Club leads to some interesting comparisons within the office.
    • On violating the Insane Chick Codes of Ethics, "that's so true" - Paul Ellsworth
    • Kim indicates that she would be an ideal facilitator for the club, but would not be the leader.  When pressed as to who should be the leader, there is "lots of choices…"
15. Paul relays a story of his dad returning used fruit.  The question from Kim:  "Was your dad an accountant?"  Answer from Paul:  "No, he was just a Cape Bretoner."  Native Edmontonian begins to rethink her city slicker comment.
16. Foot in mouth disease continues, but in the reverse.  Kim to Paul "you should come to Weight Watchers with me".  The Insider remembers a similar comment directed at him in the past, so it has yet to be determined if this comment was thrown out by Kim in retaliation for past comments made by Paul.
17. The yellow light policy leads to immediate positive results when Paul refuses to be baited by Kim and her Weight Watcher's follow up comments.
18. With at least two mouthfuls left her in beer, Lemondrop notices a lemon seed at the bottom of her drink.  According to at least one eyewitness, when she is asked "is that yours?", Lemondrop responds with "no" and continues drinking.  It is alleged that the waitress must have left it when she squeezed a lemon into the drink.  It is unclear if the group really bought this story.
19. In a related story, Native Edmontonian begins to really rethink her city slicker comment, and may be scared now.
20. Perhaps in an effort to bring the Insane Chicks Club to life, both Lemondrop and Native Edmontonian make outrageous claims that The Insider may misquote people in some of his material, or that he may bend the truth.  The Insider senses a possible third challenge?  Bring it on...
21. Personal message #1 on L-Fed’s MSN account this week: "Walk the Dragon?  I am the Dragon."  The Insider has no idea what the heck this means.
22. Personal message #2 on L-Fed’s MSN account this week:  "Lisafer - yes as in the devil".  This one's so good it makes the Insider disappointed that he didn't think of it.
23. Lemondrop once again tries to convince people to go ballroom dancing.  Paul's reaction: "You have to have holes in your head...it would take copious quantities of beer to get me up dancing."  The Insider remembers when copious quantities of beer led to Paul dancing, and it wasn't pretty.  This involved females leading Paul around the dance floor, to the best recollection of the Insider.
24. Toban phrase of the week - "OTR".  This one has been quickly adapted all across the country, and may soon warrant t-shirts being printed up, according to one source.
25. In related stories, most of Friday and Saturday night were deemed OTR by others.
26. The newest edition to the Robinson household was picked on Friday.  However, it may be a while before the new pup is giving a drink of water right before a road trip.
27. Organizing activities related to Saturday night including waking Paul up from his nap.
28. Despite the phrases "yellow light, yellow light" coming from his immediate right, Paul continues on with comments directed towards Lemondrop.  When he starts dancing a mini-jig in his chair in celebration of his shot, it is clear that these comments were actually thought out in advance.  Note to Lemondrop, if the jig is any indication of Paul's dancing ability, you may want to rethink your attempts to go ballroom dancing.
29. Saturday night included recounts of party stories when individuals were younger.  While the individual stories remain OTR (mostly at the request of Cape Bretoners whose parents or sisters may read the Report), the Insider astonished the women at the table when he indicates he has nothing, and that he has lived a pure and innocent life.  When the Insider is challenged on this point, a text message to the Sister is sent to confirm, and to release any details that she has available.  The Sister counters with offering some pictures, but the Insider is aware that she is just talking about some baby pictures of the Insider, and the Insider would be considered just too darn cute in them.
30. The subway ride on the way home provides a classic example of "When geeks get drunk", when the group sitting near the Insider starts talking about how no one gives a high-five anymore.  Ah, to be a teenager and drinking your first beer.  Brings a tear to the eye.
31. The results of the Sunday morning Death Match Volleyball Classic are not yet known as of press time.  Expect further updates next week, as Paul is sure to have said something offside.
32. Plans are well underway for this Friday's Extravaganza.  For those in Toronto, stay tuned......

Insider out.