July 30, 2007:

Yea, so the heavens relented and the darkness has lifted from across the land.

1. Native Edmontonian finds a voice mail left over the weekend amusing.  The Insider just considers it toilet humour.
2. Apparently, the Insider has crazy sneaking abilities.
3. The newest best seller by the Insider - "How to Drive the Outcast Nuts - Don't Tell Her Anything"  This is a follow-up to previous best sellers - "How to Drive Kimberly Nuts - Don't Tell Her Anything" and "How to Drive Elder Battlin' MacLean Nuts - Don't Tell Her Anything".  The Insider senses some kind of trend....
4. For some reason, We Will Rock You does not include any songs by Supertramp.
5. When going to the Titanic exhibit at the Ontario Science Centre, every visitor is assigned (at random) the name of a passenger.  Last name of the passenger assigned to the Insider - Rouse.....
6. The Outcast is totally stunned that i) a man can actually plan a dinner, and ii) the Insider can keep details from her.
7. The easiest way to deal with your dog while away from town - get him high on mushrooms and send him to rehab.
8. Most of the dinner involves the relaying of embarrassing stories about Paul.  The Insider gracefully slips into the background.
9. The lack of a forensic audit on Friday proves as successful as if a forensic audit took place.
10. The only thing planned by the Outcast and Kimberly this past weekend - the trip across the border to shop at Target.  Directions given to the Insider - "Just drive across the border, and we'll meet you at Target".
11. In a related story, the shopping at the first Target store is almost identical to the shopping at the second Target store.  Sigh....
12. In a second related story, the Insider vows to always get proper directions for all future trips.  Who knew that there was more than one Target (besides the Insider)?
13. Heather, want a piece of the gum picked up by the Insider on the States trip?
14. Dollar value of purchases by the Insider - double that of the Outcast.  Time spent to achieve such purchases - about half.  The Insider remains suspicious about any woman claiming she can "power shop".  (See IR Vol#1 Iss#2 Point#13 for more evidence.)
15. The forensic audit of the travel plans for the tour to China is taking about as long as expected.

July 23, 2007:

Shudder and tremble in fear.  Darkness will soon spread across the land...

1. Feedback from the previous week  - "I want to bite you" - Kimberly Robinson.  The Insider still has no idea what this means, and much further research is required.
2. The Insider throws out the leftover noodles prepared the previous Saturday night.  National Office Team Captain is sure to be nodding in agreement while reading this.
3. Kimberly's husband makes the front page of the Toronto Sun.  Cops not eating doughnuts is newsworthy, one supposes.
4. The number one question Paul has for travel agencies while performing the initial forensic audit on China trips - "Does the room have 2 beds – very important".
5. The Outcast discovers that the writing on a blog can be perceived as negative when the writing in done while in a bad mood.
6. Overheard in the lunch room - "Paul, you sound like a woman" - Deborah Rodrigo.  The Insider is confident that this is a compliment?
7. If a doctor asks Paul if his sleep apnea is witnessed, the answer is yes.
8. Quote of the week - "That night, I was playing for the other team." - Paul Ellsworth.  While this had something to do with playing volleyball, Buckley only hears this one statement from her spot near the barbeque on the porch.
9. The Insider was forced to give three "No, we are not going to Tim Hortons on a Sunday morning at 6:00 AM" type stares during the events of Tuesday night.
10. Kimberly makes empty treats about an image consultant to Paul.  People are lazy…  (Note the Insider will even ignore the typos due to Kimberly getting excited and sending it too quickly).
11. "There are a lot of children here!" - The Brother-in-Law.  Note that this probably explained by the fact that he was in Euro Disney at the time.
12. No, Kimberly.  The Insider will not go to see License to Wed.  Isn't that your husband's job?  (And doesn't this sound like a recurring theme?)
13. One awkward conversation forced the entire group to quickly move to the upstairs section at Remy's on Saturday night.
14. A partial itinerary is disclosed to the Outcast for her upcoming stay.  Note to any readers who may be aware of more details - do not release anything to the Outcast, even if she makes any outlandish claims of being fully aware of details.  She is just trying to trick you.  It's a Bromilow trait.

Insider out.

1. Feedback from the previous issue - "Ughhhh" - Kimberly Robinson. It is unclear at the time of publication which of the point(s) caused this reaction.
2. In spite of the investigative journalism, the Insider was unable to determine what Kimberly was talking about when she said to ask Deborah about "the new look for Paul". Investigations will continue.
3. Paul spends most of the week trying to come up with quick plans for Saturday night - anything to avoid camping.
4. "Guess what?" A very dangerous question for any female to ask any male out of the blue. The Insider, of course, refuses to fall for such an obvious trap.
5. In related news, the first person to be told about National Office Team Captain's engagement (not including her family) - the construction worker at the site between her condo and the office.
6. The Insider continues to believe that Kimberly invites friends with children to stay with her just as a way to have an excuse to attend all the child-like fun activities.
7. "Holy crap. Is that an elephant in the underground parkade?" - Phone call received from Paul Ellsworth. The answer - yes, the circus is in town.
8. The camping trip, despite the best organizing efforts of Elder Battlin' MacLean, did not materialize. Paul may have done a jig of happiness in his office.
9. The results of the Friday night poker game - the Insider advances to the final table, but finishes in 6th place, due to lack of anything resembling a playable hand at the final table.
10. The over/under established by the Insider on Andrew showing up at the bar on Saturday night- 10:20. After speaking to Andrew at 10:00 after he debarked from the subway, Paul firmly believes that there is no way Andrew would be later than 10:10, and confidently takes the under.
11. Note that actual time Andrew makes an appearance is 10:30, after Paul cons the waitress into getting Andrew through the lineup. A quick discussion on incompetency vs. stupidity ensues.
12. Quote of the week - "We are not moving from this table" - The Insider. (Yes, the Insider.)
13. Memo to self - Never involve a MacLean in a counter-conspiracy. They will do nothing except frig it all up.
14. In related news, the Outcast remains mostly unaware of the planned itinerary for the upcoming visit to Toronto. "I will need a clothing itinerary hopefully provided by Kim and not you." (Note that this may have been after the Insider told her that she may need to pack a wet suit and a snorkel).
15. The Outcast has also set up a competing blog related to her European Tour. The Insider notes that while she is addressing her audience in the points style, she has not adopted a nickname, and is not addressing herself in the third person. Will this finally be the competing "Retort to the Report" that has been discussed for some time? People are lazy....
16. Thanks to some food poisoning, the Insider was not a pleasant person to be around this weekend. Potential lawsuits are being investigated.
17. The Insider is unsure what a Zombie Request is, but anything coming from Kimberly requires investigation.

Insider out.

1. Quote of the week - "I am so acting like a girl" - Native Edmontonian. For the following along at home, these equates to not being clear. (Please send all e-mails of complaint direct to her).
2. When Native Edmontonian is told in advance of the preceding point, the response - "me not scared". (Note: quote has not been edited). Apparently, the education system is a little lacking in Alberta.
3. The first reaction to the Irish tour is in. A certain Haligonian is disgusted with Paul for his lack of sampling of the native culture.
4. For several days after the tour, Kimberly happily continues to send texts to the Insider not realizing that the Insider has is already home.
5. Muffin proclaims that she laughed hysterically upon hearing about the almost plane crash that started the Irish tour. "At least I made sure you guys were safe before laughing".
6. The Insider is fairly confident that he does not need to physically present at the after-volleyball beverages is order to hear about all the conversations. No worries, Paul. The Insider will get even someway, somehow.
7. Apparently even seeing an Oiler Legend like Kevin Lowe is not enough to warrant a stop for a picture. Is the Mighty Leaf Nation about to have another convert? The Insider is certain that people in Edmonton will soon be in contact for psychiatric consulting and/or an intervention.
8. The Insider discloses the fact that he allegedly may not telling the truth when the single dimple on the left check is showing. Or is this another ploy by the Insider??? Only time will tell....
9. Haligonian navigation skills continue to be proven as less than ideal. This time, Vancouverites are not amused.
10. The less said about the "plane ride" back from Providence the better. The Insider may soon be entering therapy.
11. Le Tigra displays the spirit of a true Jays fan by leaving the game after they got down two runs in the top of the 10th. Too bad they came back in the bottom of the 10th, prompting a phone call on his cell from dedicated fans.
12. Paul's attempt at finishing off the nachos at the Fox & the Fiddle involve scooping the sour cream direct from the container. The Insider flashes back to similar incidents involving Parmesan cheese. Upon being spotted by the Insider, Paul's response - "You didn't see anything!"
13. Paul spends most of the night on the patio at Scotland Yard trying to find a way to look around (over? under?) the potted flowers placed at exactly the incorrect height.
14. The Insider's trip to Halifax is cancelled at the last minute. The Insider is uncertain another flight could have been handled anyway.
15. In order to entice National Office Team Captain to attend a meeting on the 14th floor, the Insider uses the age old tactic of providing food. Anyone else aware that "Cinnabuns" cause all kinds of errors on Word's spell checker?
16. An ongoing obsession with bugs is now apparent.
17. The crowd that attended Pirates 3 provides some amusement to the Insider, considering the 6 year-old sitting two seats down (to a PG-13 movie that ended at midnight), and the couple sitting in the row right in front of the Insider (who considered Pirates 3 a good make-out movie).
18. Countdown to the Outcast being in Toronto is 3 weeks. You've been warned.... Diabolical plots with Kimberly may be afoot. The Insider remains unconcerned.
19. It is now assumed that a certain someone will spend most of her week rearranging furniture.