August 14, 2006:

Sigh…  Some people never learn.  Apparently, the real season of the Battlin’ MacLeans starts this past week, when the Insider is challenged once again by Baby Battlin’ MacLean.  Baby expresses extreme disappointment in the lack of entries in the previous week’s Report, in spite the Insider’s attempt to make everything OTR so as not to embarrass Baby.  Baby now claims nothing is OTR and declares that there can be full disclosure on everything.  Snap.  Oh no, she di-int.  The Insider recalls the last time Baby issued such a challenge.  It was over approximately 15 minutes after the release of the Report with a humiliating surrender by Baby (see IR Vol#1, Issue#10, Point #1).

1. The week starts off on a resounding start for Kim, having to deal with the noise complaint from her neighbours.  She attempts to blame Tetley.
2. Paul quickly learns that women will actually look at the souvenirs you bring back for them.  For the record, there is no place in Italy named Sanmarind, and Deborah notices the incorrect spelling on her snow globe in approximately 10 seconds.  Next time, Paul will be selecting the more expensive version.
3. Tetley causes Kim further issues when he decides to tangle with a skunk.  He lost.  Or rather, Kim and Chris lost.
4. In the first instance of full disclosure, Rob’s interest perks up when the Battlin’ MacLeans initiate a discussion on candy underwear.
5. In the second instance of full disclosure, Baby’s history of jobs is revealed.  Or more accurately, her lack of history.  The Insider is still not sure if you have to work at least one shift in order for it to count as a job, but will concede the single shift at Subway, and the two days at the pet store may count.  Welcome to the real world kid.
6. Most (un?) surprising comment of the week – “Cape Bretoners have jobs?” – Paul Ellsworth.
7. In the third instance of full disclosure, Baby reveals that all she really wanted when she started dating Rob was a gay best friend.
8. Note to Mrs MacLean:  Rob is extremely disappointed he has yet to have any of your no-fail fudge.
9. Voice mail messages left on the Insider's phone by Baby tend to be much quieter than ones left by Paul. 
10. Paul continues to demonstrate that he will eat parmesan cheese in whatever form it is available in.
11. Paul pulls no punches when describing women.  This may have been advanced by the Insider’s continual “and…” comments.  Baby’s sensitive ears were shocked.  She now understands what the rest of us have to deal with on a daily basis.
12. Paul displays his newly purchased Italian leather shoes to much fanfare.  (Note that the Insider believes that they were purchased in Germany.)
13. No Kim, the Insider will not go see "The Devil Wears Prada".  Take your husband instead.
14. The Insider wonders when Baby will remember that the Insider will be in Nova Scotia in less than 2 weeks.  When will she regret her challenge?
15. In an effort to alleviate the curiosity of some readers (and to stop them continually asking), the Insider presents the following comments regarding the European Tour.  All points have been vetted through the legal department to ensure that all disclosure rules have been met:
    • The big screen TV in the Rome hotel room was fabulous.  Made the time when the luggage was lost go that much faster.
    • A 7AM phone call was received from the baggage handling company at the airport to indicate that the lost luggage was found.  The early call was "appreciated" when the luggage showed up at the hotel around 11PM that night. 
    • Yes, Paul.  Everyone can see you’re wearing socks with your sandals.
    • Paul’s indecisiveness (cheapness??) shows when deciding what excursions to go on.  The Insider just shakes his head, and circles to attend everything.
    • In the final tally – number of excursions not attended by Paul – 0.
    • Paul learns why no one else volunteered to sit on the outside of the table in the roadside restaurant near Piazza Navona.
    • Who needs air conditioning in the hotel when it’s 36 degrees Celsius outside?  AC's just for wimps.
    • Despite the insisting of the Insider, Paul decides not to send the cultural postcard to Kim.
    • While the Insider is sure that San Gimignano is a wonderful town, it is not fully appreciated in the condition that the Insider was in.
    • Standard travelling rules involve the Insider throwing on the iPod and being woken up when anything exiting happened.
    • Number of iPods charged by the Insider during the trip – 4.
    • There was shopping in Milan??  
    • Amount of time required to see Pisa – 45 minutes tops.
    • The trick to getting to sleep first – put on late night Italian TV to distract the roommate.
    • 8 month old child with the chicken pox who wakes up 4 times during the night – quiet compared to the Human Buzz Saw of Snoring.  The Insider feels vindicated when others on the bus experience the snoring extravaganza first hand near the end of the trip.
    • Glass blowing demonstrations are much better than leather making demonstrations.
    • Always go shoe shopping in Venice with a minimum of 2 women.
    • Always go on a gondola ride in Venice with a minimum of 5 women.
    • Quote of the trip: “Gee, you Canadian guys can drink”. – Anonymous Australian.
    • Choice of things to do on the final day in Rome – 1. visit the Spanish Steps, or 2. sleep in the non-air conditioned room, followed by sitting for 5 hours by the pool.  Option 2 was taken without hesitation.  (Note this might have been because of the needed recovery from the events of the night before).
    • Viewing Pirates of the Caribbean 2 with subtitles in both French and German makes for an interesting movie experience.
    • Italian wine is best purchased at the airport in Munich.
    • Seven hours in the Newark airport is fun.  The Insider suggests others try it in the future. 
    • First statement uttered by Kim upon return – “Did you get a tattoo”?
    • First statement uttered by Heather upon return – “Is that tattoo real?”

Insider out.