March 12, 2007:

The annual dark times are over. The first week of March brings the start of the Baseball draft. A lot of The Insider's free time will now be consumed.

1. Reader response this week indicates confusion regarding the "Marketing-Type-Person" nickname, as it has represented different people from time to time. Apparently, some readers are concerned that they will be mistaken for having chair danced from time to time. While this will eliminate some anonymity, the Insider is happy to comply with such requests, and will henceforth discontinue the use of the term "Marketing-Type-Person" and adopt different nicknames - Buckley and Muffin.
2. Quote of the week - "Hurry up. My time is precious". - Native Edmontonian.
3. Some people need astronomy lessons. The big ball in the sky during night time is not the sun. It might be the moon (or may just be a clock tower).
4. The Insider has flashbacks to the 6:00 AM drive in Glace Bay. At least this time the Insider offers to stop for coffee.
5. The charter member of the Toronto Chapter of Red Bull's Anonymous may soon be announced.
6. An e-mail goes out regarding the next CN Tower climb, prompting a follow-up rant by Native Edmontonian asking the Insider why he did not respond to the request. Consequently, the Insider graciously volunteers to drink Vodka and eat the free and satisfying brunch at the top of the stairs, while watching other people make the treacherous climb. This may also involve shouting "words of encouragement". (Or he may just pay money to get out of everything).
7. Au to Native Edmontonian on potential side-bets related to the CN Tower climb - "You're going down". Native Edmontonian response - "Actually we are going up the stairs, but if you want to go down, that's fine by me." (Note to readers - not all prairie people are innately funny, so send your words of encouragement along.)
8. This week's episode of the Battlin' MacLeans featured a guest appearance.....Mr Paul Ellsworth, Esq. After receiving a veto on the "skanky women" resort, Paul attempts to deflect controversy by concocting wild stories about the resort with the "opening" between the bathroom and the bedroom that could not be closed.
9. "I’ve got 10 years on David...if he is elderly I must be ancient." - Paul Ellsworth on his physical ability of climbing up the CN Tower. Note that the Insider thinks that the 10 years must be dog years, based on a quick set of calculations.
10. "When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!!" - David Au (as submitted by Native Edmontonian in an effort to get out of being the quote of the week)
11. The big excitement in Trina's life this week - not having to get up from her seat to get food and drink service at the Raptors game.
12. The Insider receives a second game of e-mail hangman this week. Is this a new trend that is starting? The Insider does note that it might just be an attempt to swear without getting caught by anti-spam software.
13. Trina announces that she is on strike from cleaning the microwave at her house. The Insider is not convinced that her family will even notice.
14. Is it a bad sign that Native Edmontonian makes a heart-felt plea on Friday that all of the events from the upcoming Au birthday extravaganza on Saturday night should be deemed as OTR?
15. It seems that Trina may be a more twitchy front seat passenger than the Insider. At least the heated seats provide some small comfort.
16. Other passengers seem surprised at the choice of reading material of the Insider, but it does provide some insightful commentary on the drive.
17. The Insider arrived to the office early on Saturday morning (don't ask) to find a new voice mail message from Friday night. While it's unclear as to what prompted the phone call, a couple of points can be assumed: 1. Apparently, old guys need less rest than previously thought. 2. Old guys become distracted when pretty girls pass in front of them while on the phone. 3. Old guys get confused when they drink and try to phone the Insider at the office on Friday night at 11:00PM. Sigh….
18. Native Edmontonian develops a strategy for making the points from Saturday night OTR...showing up late, and standing in the fake lineup for half the night. She does attempt to drop the Insider's name in a vain effort to jump into the VIP line.
19. First rule of going out - Tip the waitress. Some people tend to forget this rule.
20. It's probably time for the Insider to unveil a new Google Talk logo. The "Anti-Oiler" graphic may provide some hours of amusement.

Insider out.

March 5 2007:

Some weeks it's tough to be humorous in the grand scheme of things, but the Insider perseveres.

1. Quote of the week - "Why are people surprised I've never been in a bar fight?" - Native Edmontonian.  (It's comments like this that ensure ongoing inclusion in the Report.)
2. Paul's driving skills are on full display with his efforts to avoid the drag racers on Dufferin.  Marketing-Type Person gives Paul full credit for saving her life.  The Insider remains unsurprised, as he has taken his own life in his hands numerous times with the antics of Scotian drivers.
3. Apparently, Marketing-Type-Person's reaction to extreme trauma - falling asleep.
4. Alternate quote of the week - "We ended up in the boonies surrounded by cows just to get a bargain!"  - Kimberly Robinson.  A good reason to blow off a shopping trip with the Insider, one supposes.  Investigations into replacement fashion consultants continue.
5. Is there yet-another attempted conspiracy between Kimberly and the Sister?  Gift baskets might be exchanged when the Outcast comes for a visit to Toronto in August.
6. Feedback is received from a number of readers asking the Insider if there were any pictures of Marketing-Type-Person's table dancing.  The Insider cautions readers to read the points more carefully, as it was chair dancing, not table dancing.  However, in more encouraging news, when presented with the demand from readers, Marketing-Type-Person's response - "Mix the pudding".
7. The Farewell to Marshall extravaganza seems to be all about request for tickets to 2010.
8. The Insider would hate to be working for Rogers Cable this week, given the National Office Team Captain problems with Rogers, and subsequent reactions.  Apparently "6ish" means different things to different people.
9. The Insider is not fully convinced that Marketing-Type-Person's suggestion to add a blooper reel at the end of the Marshall Presentation was not just a way to gain additional camera exposure.
10. In attempting to make a final clean of the apartment before giving it up, Marshall decides to use Jet Dry for cleaning the walls and windows.  Native Edmontonian shakes her head, and immediately takes charge of all cleaning efforts.  (Note: shaking your head at the pathetic actions of others appears to be a Prairie trait).
11. Topics of conversation from the Marshall farewell lunch were too numerous to mention.  Highlights include:
    • The three hot chicks on the social committee will have Paul wrapped their little fingers.
    • The tea pouring competition continues to mixed results.
    • The traditional Marshall over-ordering of the Bok Choy.
    • National Office Team Captain asking others if they could believe that people would bring their own brooms to the GT curling day, and then acting a little sheepish when others at the table pointed out that the Insider owns a curling broom, and brought his to the event.  (Note that the Insider just shakes his head).
    • Whether or not hockey pucks are an authentic dim sum dish.
    • The Insider's judicious use of the concept of OTR.
    • The lack of the requirement of a forensic audit when the Insider paid for the meal.
12. Kimberly decides to send the Insider a Hangman in response to an e-mail sent by the Insider.  All the Insider knows is that it was 6 letters, and contained an "E".  Readers are encouraged to submit their own guesses.
13. Buckley's fascination with gas continues.  E-mail received by the Insider this week:  "Make sure you have gas....it is insane trying to fill up."  It is assumed that she is referencing automotive fuel, but given her comments in previous Reports, the Insider remains suspicious and on guard.
14. Marshall runs into all kinds of issues trying to transport a curtain rod back to Vancouver with him on his flight.  The Insider just shakes his head, especially when Marshall asks him to go get an oversized plastic bag from the Air Canada counter.
15. The vetoes continue to pile up.  Although one had to be utilized in order to get the Insider out of hosting a Pampered Chef party.  On second thought, a free trip to Paris might be an inducement to host one.
16. In some people's eyes, Tollhouse Squares are more manly than chocolate chip cookies.  In the Insider's eyes, either is acceptable for settling debts owed for IT support.
17. In related news, the Insider seems to have built up a credit for a three course meal for another incident of providing IT support this week.  Re-publishing the rates seems to be creating demand.
18. Note to readers, in the event that the Insider is fielding multiple IT calls, and is unable to get to your call in priority sequence, the first thing to try with any IT problem is the BRS solution.  BRS=Big Red Switch.  (i.e. power it off, then power it back on, and see if it works).
19. An e-mail is received this week on the upcoming Annual West Coast Ball.  Long time readers will recall last year's festivities was the genesis of the Insider Report, and resulted in the creation of one of the best nicknames ever (see IR Vol#1, Issue#1 at http://brommer71.spaces.live.com/).
20. The redesign of the Insider Report web-site is underway, with a relaunch anticipated soon.
21. For some mysterious reason, given a choice between driving or twitching in a passenger seat (while stepping on imaginary brakes because other drivers never break on time, combined with worrying about why the driver is going too fast or too slow, or changing lanes too often or not enough, plus why is it so hot in the car, and why are we listening to this radio station, and what does this dial do..), the Insider will choose to drive.  There are no excuses needed, as the Insider fully admits to being a type-A personality.
22. The activities of Sunday night remain mostly OTR, at the request of others, but the Insider will never look at Swiss Chalet sauce, instant coffee and his toilet in the same way again.  (Readers are encouraged to draw their own conclusions, which will be wrong).

Insider out.

1. What Super Bowl? (The Insider will be so grateful when baseball season kicks in in about a month).
2. An email response to last week's Report provides some sort of lyrics to 'Twas the night before Christmas. It appears that there is a new language for the Insider to learn - Mississauganese.
3. With Paul dressed up in full suit and tie on Monday, Vegas odd makers have it as even money on whether it was a job interview or a date. (The Insider takes the bet against the date.)
4. Native Edmontonian must have the ongoing challenges on the mind. She tries to perform a miracle of turning water into vodka.
5. Some people on the 14th floor gulp loudly and almost gag on laughter when, in a general conversation, the Insider claims to be nothing if not adaptable. Poke the bear…..
6. Comment made by the Insider this week: "I thought only pirates drank rum." Deborah's response: "Argh. Avast me hearties".
7. Email received from the Outcast this week- "At lunch time today, the men sitting around me where talking about sports, as always. One guy was telling a story about how his friend got to hug the Stanley Cup when it came to Kenora last month. Always wanting to join in a conversation, I added: 'Was it still broken??'. Grey cup - Stanley cup - really, what is the difference???" Sigh….
8. Trina makes an attempt to get back into marathon training. The Insider is not convinced that walking to the Go Train station in high heels was the best way to start though.
9. Daniel and Tracy are proud to welcome Anise Therèse Laflèche to the world. Congratulations, guys.
10. As the Insider always accepts contributions from readers, Native Edmontonian requests (...demands...strongly demands...very strongly demands...) that the Report acknowledge that she is correct and the Insider is wrong with respect to which turn to take when driving back from Loblaws. Consider it acknowledged.
11. In a related story, the Insider is fairly certain that Native Edmontonian would not want the Report to acknowledge that the full moon she talks about 5 minutes later ends up being the face of a clock tower.
12. Apparently, given a choice between being serious or being funny, most people will pick serious. Guess which one the Insider picks?
13. Native Edmontonian is distressed to learn that the first practice of basketball is cancelled for this week. "What the heck do they need a permit for? It's in the North End. Just break a few windows and you're in. It's not like anyone would notice."
14. The Insider's underground rave club is discovered this week.
15. At Friday night drinks, Paul tries the new nickname of "Sunshine" for Marshall to mixed effects.
16. Notice to everyone: The standard fee for IT support from the Insider is a home-cooked supper.
17. The first black tie event of the Awards Season commences on Saturday night. The Insider, as expected, looks fabulous on the red carpet.
18. Yes, Paul. The Insider did see the girl in the orange dress that walked by.
19. Marketing-Type-Person spends most of the night winking at various people, chair dancing to the band's attempt at Usher's "Yeah", screaming "Yee Haw", attempting to figure out why guys avoid women, creating various rumours, and getting loopy on the drive home.
20. Yes, the Insider is a guy.
21. Note to the Outcast: "Hey."
22. The Insider hears that Babel is a fabulous movie, and may rent the DVD someday.
23. Note to Kim: Don't even ask if the Insider will see the latest chick flick that's playing. However, the Insider understands that Buckley is a huge fan of Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant, so maybe she'll go with you.
24. The Insider will start the planning for the furniture rearranging, which is bound to be happening soon.

February 19, 2007:

In an effort to provide some people with something to read on Monday mornings in lieu of going to the gym, the Insider presents the following points for consideration:

1. What Super Bowl?
2. Feedback received this week from Paul - "Hey, I didn't do or say anything stupid to make last week's report". Note that's because all conversations that week were prefaced as being OTR.
3. The Insider receives notification that the Parental Units are preparing some legal documents. The problem - The Parental Units misspell both the Insider and the Outcast's middle names on the documents. The excuse relayed to the Outcast - "It's not my fault. I didn't have anything to do with naming you."
4. The Outcast's MSN message for the rest of week - "And my middle name is??"
5. Early in the week, Native Edmontonian gets excited by pictures of John Deere zambonies. (Note that it might have something to do with the Oiler logos on them.)
6. An e-mail received from Kimberly starts off with curses regarding Tetley's latest escapade - eating a Beanie Baby.
7. Native Edmontonian risks angering the Mighty Leaf Nation with the unveiling of her new Google Talk logo.
8. E-mail received from the Outcast: "I was coming out of the office when I passed by Ron (my boss). He said that I had a very happy expression on my face, like I had won the lottery and asked what I had in my hand. I turn the pad of paper in my hand over to show him the title - TO DO list". It is now fully documented that the Insider is nowhere near the most anal of his immediate family.
9. Some people on the 14th floor are taking the concept of casual dress way to the extreme.
10. Native Edmontonian further risks angering the Mighty Leaf Nation by wearing an Oilers shirt to the office on Friday.
11. The season opener of the Battlin' MacLeans has Elder Battlin' MacLean making a bold-faced claim about whose pet is better loved. The Insider understands that Baby Battlin' MacLean does not take things well. The Insider reserves judgement, but does note that he has had to only stuff one of the aforementioned pets into a travel bag at 6:00 AM, so it might be a biased competition at this point.
12. In an effort to come up with a new nickname for a long-term reader, the Insider will start using "Buckley". More details will become available as soon as the "audition" is available on the web.
13. Apparently, the stereotype of Japanese people taking fast into a cell phone after an accident on the DVP strike some people as humorous.
14. Closing statement of the week from a deemed OTR conversation from Paul - "Sometimes, you have to take the good with the bad."
15. The Insider decides to be helpful, and gives Kim a call on Friday to see if anything can be brought for the Saturday games night. She indicates no. Five minutes later, the Insider is commissioned to bring paper plates, plastic cutlery, plastic cups, any games he has handy, any extra chairs, and his kitchen sink.
16. People spent most of Saturday night telling the Insider about various points that "have to make this week's Report". In an effort to be accommodating, the Insider presents the following for consideration. (Note if your favourite didn't make the list, send a note to the usual complaint department).
    • The Insider is called a disturber as soon as he walks in the door. Nice way to be greeted.
    • The number of MacLeans needed in a room in order for them to start telling on-the-record stories about MacLeans not present - 2.
    • Baby MacLean should attempt to find out if, on the next trip back to the homeland, Elder Battlin MacLean has the guts to wear the t-shirt that Kip talked about.
    • Note that if you don't want the Insider to relay Glace Bay experiences, it's best to tell him in advance which parts of the stories are OTR.
    • "Kim, it's a good thing you have gas" - Buckley. (The Insider thinks she was talking about the stove, but Kim was facing away from her at the time.)
    • The Insider shows his ongoing dominance at games by winning the first set of games.
    • The women show their ongoing devious nature by once again stacking the teams for Taboo.
    • The room tends to go into stunned silence for 2 seconds when a cop's parents talk about past indiscretions.
17. It is assumed that Native Edmontonian will be living in denial for a while, with the shot to the jaw provided by the Might Leaf Nation on Saturday night.
18. It has now been documented that the recovery time for Edmontonians from a Friday night adventure is 36 hours. Keep up with the training, kid. You may have Vancouverites and Torontonians beat, but you have a long way to go before you should consider challenging Nova Scotians or Tobans.
19. Sunday - finally a day off. The Insider spends the day making the Palatial Estate almost liveable for other humans. Insider out.

1. What Super Bowl?
2. E-mail received this week after the Insider complained about the heat in the office. "Native Edmontonian is hot too – I think the northwesterly food diet (elk, caribou, polar bear, displaced Eskimo children, pages from the bible) must bestow supernatural heating powers." The Insider chalks it up to Westerners using more brain power, and thus overheating.
3. Native Edmontonian is concerned about her sugar intake, following a cryptic e-mail message in Albertanese being sent to the Insider. "I think [name removed by Editor] thinks I'm slightly unstable. [Second name removed by Editor] noticed that I was hyper when I walked back into the office and was doing what she could to make me crack and lose it. I think I should stick with the alcohol.."
4. E-mail received from Kimberly this week - "Getting up early is a killer!". Note to readers that Kim gets into the office around 8:30 or so. Response received when the Insider replies that he was in the office by 6:00 AM that day - "Okay forget I said anything."
5. The nickname of "Sweet Cheeks" is hereby considered OTR.
6. The Hip still continue to put on a fabulous show, with Gord Downie still managing to twitch everywhere on the stage.
7. Apparently, Toronto event security is much more stringent that Winnipeg event security, as the Insider never remembers anyone getting kicked out of concerts for smuggling in rye back home.
8. It is considered normal to have no voice the next day following a concert.
9. In some people hands, a stapler is considered a dangerous weapon.
10. The Insider has been commissioned to look after a plant. What the heck does the Insider know about flora? Hopefully, it's a desert like fungus that requires little to no watering.
11. In response to the soon-to-be-available office up on 14th floor, the Insider issues a challenge to Lafleche for a beer chugging contest to settle who gets the office. In a stunning move, Native Edmontonian decides to place side bets against the Insider. An Albertan betting on a Vancouverite against a Prairie guy in a beer drinking contest???? A further claim is made that "I'd kick your &** too". The Insider quickly issues a second challenge. Silly Edmontonians. Bring it on...
12. The Insider is uncertain why he keeps waking up to find "Hey" messages on the computer from the Outcast, but "Hey" back.
13. The investigations continue into the potential ongoing grandiose plans regarding the Insider's choice of movie. Will veto rights be taken away? Stay tuned….
14. In response to an e-mail received this week, the Insider doesn't do pity. Life's too short.

February 5, 2007:

There is no joy in Mudville.

1. Tons of feedback from last week's Report. Feedback #1: "Wow, I'm surprised by #13. I completely expected to be having to hide my head with that comment I made." - Native Edmontonian
2. Feedback #2 - A phone call is received indicating that there was no grandiose plan in getting out of the pick of the movie. Time will tell.....
3. Feedback #3 - "No plaid is NOT FINE! Paul did you really get a jacket? Uggghhh" - Kimberly Robinson.
4. As a follow-up to the third point, the Insider is also called a "trouble-maker". Poke the bear….
5. The Insider receives an e-mail from people on the 14th floor who feel the need to turn the heat up. They've never heard of sweaters?
6. Apparently that's not true, as the same people engineer a sweater theft from HR later in the day.
7. Are marketing-type people moving away from the Muffin nickname?
8. Speaking of nicknames, Native Edmontonian is concerned with the new nicknames being bantered about for her. The basic premise proposed by the Insider is to come up with a large phrase with the acronym spelling something vaguely obscene. Suggestions from readers are always welcome.
9. In her latest effort of closing out long distance races, Trina is the sprinter, much to the chagrin of others.
10. Kimberly doesn't feel the need to get up unless her alarm says her name.
11. Justin Timberlake fans, seen running around the ACC on Tuesday, quickly (some would say immediately) become annoying.
12. In an unconfirmed rumour, a claim is made that David Au knows all the words to "SexyBack", and is working on the dance steps.
13. IKEA in Winnipeg? The Sister is already being briefed and updated on the ongoing situation.
14. Native Edmontonian idea of pre-drinking - 5 days in advance.
15. A claim is made by Native Edmontonian that certain assigned tasks are "not in my job description" Trouble is she might actually need a job description for this argument to be effective.
16. Marketing people start speaking in foreign tongues this week. The Insider, a master of linguistics due to previous work in translations of Cape Bretonese, Haligonian and Toban, determines the language is a variant of Albertanese. Is this due to the influence of the "cowboy" hat?
17. As a follow-up, the Insider has offered to pay for the first round of drinks should the cowboy hat, including Post-It sign on the back, be worn outside the office in a "saloon".
18. Bears band wagon jumping on begins with rabid Winnipeg-based Vikings fans cheering for the proper team in the Super Bowl.
19. Memo to self: To-do items, in advance of the Hip concert this coming week:
    • Make sure Paul knows the correct lyrics.
    • Make sure that Paul does not actually sing along to anything.
20. Is yet another reader stepping up the plate to try issue a companion newsletter to the Report? Details are sketchy, but based on information received from the Insider this week: (Note that the Insider didn't bother correcting grammar or spelling. He has his own stuff to worry about. Although, content may have been edited for humour's sake.)
    • I'm a bit bored today. Everyone is @ 'work' and no one has time to play with me.
    • I want to go snowshoeing at the cottage but all my girlfriends have plans or they don't like the snow or they have to make snacks for their boyfriends and or husbands for some 'big game' this weekend.
    • Going to the ROM is way overated. Who cares about pots from 300bc? Bugs from 700ad? Bones from dead people? They're still just pots, bugs and bones. Old pots and bugs and bones. Overated.
    • And finally, I rediscovered my love for Kraft singles (light) in grilled cheese. They really are delicous.
    • And that has been the highlights so far of week two.
21. At lunch on Friday, Deborah poses Paul an ethical question: If he had a choice, would he rather marry someone with high income, but massive debt, or low income and debt free. The response given: "Which one has the bigger chest?" (In all fairness, Paul turned to the Insider to provide his most likely response. Sigh... The guess was correct.)
22. The Insider briefly considers resuming linguistic courses when a flurry of entries to the Cape Breton to English lexicon are stated in rapid fire succession on Friday night, all resulting from a feverish discussion on the MacDonald's commercial featuring Cape Bretonese.
23. 100 pounds means different things to different people.
24. Paul's foot in mouth in disease continues. Note to Paul: When Kimberly glows after your compliment, it is best to end the sentence at that point.
25. Further note to Paul: When going over to Kimberly's, never **ever** wear the old grey-ladies-isotoner-type gloves.
26. Order is restored to the universe with the re-establishment of the Bromilow Shopping System to its full glory.
27. When the movie choice of the Insider (which was rescheduled to Saturday night) turns into an evening at the Bad Dog Theatre, the Insider resumes investigations into potential ongoing grandiose plans. At least the dinner was fabulous, although the restaurant was eerily familiar.
28. Sunday is blur. The Insider must have blacked out. Don't remember a thing. Nope, nope, nothing. (Living in denial is the way to go).

January 29, 2007:

Soon to become a busy week.  Preparing for the festivities of the weekend.  Go Bears.

1. The week started off with a plane ride to Thunder Bay.  Actually, the week started off with a 2 hour delay while Air Canada decided to go get the plane from the hanger.  Sigh...
2. While sitting in the terminal, the Insider decides to follow up on the last plane ride he took.  Did anyone know that follow-ups to the Air Canada complaint department require you to enter your points in a specific square in the e-mail?  Guess they only want to hear about issues that fit inside the box.
3. The temperature for most of the time in Thunder Bay.  In the minus 20's or so.  Brings a tear to the Insider's eye.  Not because it's cold, but because it reminds him of the homeland.
4. Based on the lineup at the Thunder Bay passport office on Tuesday, the Insider is grateful that his passport is up-to-date, and would hate to be waiting for one.
5. On the plane ride back to Toronto, the plane takes off on time, lands 15 minutes early, with no delays sitting on any kind of tarmac.  WTF?  Is heck freezing over?
6. Given the "extreme cold alerts" being issued the rest of the week by Toronto media, some Torontonians may very well believe that heck has frozen over.  The Insider reluctantly puts away the summer jacket, and breaks out the fall attire.  Silly Torontonians...
7. "Could it be any colder?"  Yep.
8. The Insider hopes that there won't be any more migraines in the F&A department, so that he doesn't have to experience more backlash.
9. The Insider becomes more integrated into the Ontario culture, being now the proud(?) owner of his OHIP card.  Trina is now relieved that if the Insider is hit by a bus a hospital will at least treat him.
10. Paul finds out that referring to someone as "my gay friend", rather than by name, is also done by others, and is quick to point out that he is not politically incorrect.  (At least on this issue).
11. Silly marketing-type people don't quite realize that Panama hats don't typically come from Alberta.
12. Scientific studies have now concluded that all it takes from people to stop bugging you while you are trying to get some work done is to put a sticker on the back of your head saying "Do not disturb".
13. The lack of sleep affects Native Edmontonians, as they should know better than to throw out empty comments that can be taken the wrong way in e-mails to the Insider.  In the interest of fairness, the Insider refrains from commenting.
14. While the details remain OTR, the topics of conversation from Saturday night include:  NHL rookie salary cap, Super Bowl plans, how the Habs' defense sucks, how the Oilers' defense sucks, why Leafs fans are annoying, why profitable business fail, women's weight, Paul's new jacket, Paul continuing need to go on shopping trips without Kim, Nova Scotia curling politics, plans for the upcoming Briar in Hamilton, and the state of Montreal strip clubs.
15. Extreme food poisoning is now deemed to be an acceptable excuse for blowing off a movie night.  The Insider remains unconvinced that it's not just a grandiose plan for getting out of his choice of the film.
16. Sunday night TV sucks without football to watch.  It is presumed that Monday nights will be just as bad.

Insider out.

1. "Winter" comes to Toronto.  And by winter, the Insider means 1 inch of snow, forcing about a third of Torontonians to stay home from work to avoid the "treacherous" roads.  Native Manitobans shake their heads.
2. The Lafleche School of Poker now has at least 2 registrants and has established three rules.  Experienced players will continue to ignore all 3 rules.
3. A change of name has been requested for the First Annual Ellsworth Invitational Poker Tournament to the First Tri-Monthly Ellsworth Invitational Poker Tournament. There was also a question as to whether the second instalment should be a strip poker game.  The Insider provides the following comments in response:
   • Edmontonians are just weird.
   • Trina is probably having flashbacks reading this point.
   • It's a good thing that some people probably still don't know that three-of-a-kind beats two pairs.
4. The time frame for "sickness" due to excess pizza at lunch has now been established at 4 hours.
5. Previously established commitments at the Lafleche household has been deemed by some to be an acceptable excuse for blowing off platinum level seating at a Raptors game.
6. Thursday's Toronto Sun Girl prompts a discussion on whether or not she was Paul's ideal women - an accountant who likes to travel.  Kimberly's comment - "Of course you like that...air brushed air brushed!"  Deborah's comment received independently - "Airbrushed, hair extensions, heavy makeup and implants.  Could the accounting degree be fake too?"
7. Kimberly's logic point of the week - "If you are against hunting, it's best not to try to state your case while chowing down on a 10 ounce steak."
8. All of the discussion points at the Friday lunch where Paul identified his previous comments to Kimberly (IR Vol#2 Iss#1 Point#6) remain OTR.  Extremely OTR.
9. All of the discussion points at the Friday lunch involving the benefits of Quebec strip clubs also remain OTR.
10. Before leaving on his weekend adventure in Montreal, Paul is warned that the Insider would not be responsible for any requests of bail money.
11. The Insider receives an e-mail response from Air Canada this week regarding the flight back from Winnipeg.  Interested readers can request a copy for their perusal.  Oh, this is so not over yet.....
12. Some people are still learning that if you drink draft before, during, and after the hockey game, you will wake up with headache the next day.  Silly prairie women.  Especially when it takes them 48 hours to recover.
13. Text message received by the Insider during the first intermission of the second game of Hockey Night in Canada - "All I have to say about the first period is f!*#".
14. Anyone wondering who the Insider will be rooting for in the Super Bowl?

1. See the special edition on how to get jet lag on a flight from Winnipeg to Toronto. Jet lag throws off the sleep pattern for at least 4 days.
2. An e-mail to Air Canada has yet to receive a response. Note to any readers who sent in their own complaint on the lack of a report: the Insider will deal with his complaints when Air Canada deals with theirs.
3. The Outcast is surprised that the Insider eats dim sum.
4. When asked if Kim is missed at GT yet, the Insider pauses, considering she probably phones and e-mails him more now.
5. Marketing Type Person insists that she never jumps at movies. The first 10 minutes of Casino Royale proves her wrong.
6. In an effort to make up for lost time, Paul's 5 minute phone call to Kim provides at least the equivalent of a week's worth of inappropriate comments.
7. Note to Paul: describing a women as "healthy" is not a way to make friends.
8. Paul's attempt at stacking the teams combined with setting the schedule prove disastrous with his showing at the annual GT Curling Day. Comment heard: "You let Au beat you at curling???? Oh great.. and I thought his ego was already big enough."
9. Trash talking ensues when the Insider makes a claim that ABAS folks would never beat him at curling. The results: a dramatic 3-2 come-from-behind win. Never bet against the Insider....
10. Further trash talking ensues regarding the First Annual Ellsworth Invitational Poker Tournament, held immediately subsequent to the curling. The Insider shakes his head when some readers start attributing their poker skills to the amount of meat that they eat, or the size of their head.
11. The Insider further shakes his head when these same people show up to the game with cheat sheets printed off the Internet to say what hands beat what. (The Insider hates playing with rookies.)
12. The Lafleche method of playing poker ends up winning the night. (The Insider hates playing with rookies.)
13. Note to Marshall and Native Edmontonian: Staying out the night before until 4:00 AM is never a good way to prepare for either a poker tournament. It has been known to be the correct way for preparing for a curling day, though.
14. The heated seat warmers of the Insidermobile provide comfort to a number of readers during the past week. Multiple comments of "Boy, do I like a warm butt" are heard.
15. Note that the Insider will consider increasing the monthly lease costs to allow for heated seat warmers for the back seats when the revenue stream from the Insider report increases.
16. Native Mississaugans claim that a hair dressing boutique should never have more than 2 "Z's in their name. The Insider, who, of course, has a stylin' do, looks on in amusement.
17. The Insider is uncertain why people are counting down to 24, but the correct answer is "....28, 27, 26, 25"
18. Apparently one cm of freezing rain on the ground can grind Toronto to a halt. Native Manitobans look on in amusement. Native Torontonians stay at home.
19. Native Edmontonians may no longer be concerned about maintain anonymous status? Stay tuned for a potential nickname change...
20. Bears win.

1. Heck does not freeze over a couple of Monday nights ago.  Brom Bombers win their game final game of the season, but so does Prime Time, enabling him to claim the final playoff spot. A much better season than every other GM in the league expected out of the team.  Building for next year.  At least, the Bears continue to dominate.
2. ABAS folks are now doing tech support in the National Office?  That's like doctors doing their own taxes.  They might be able to do it, but they shouldn't.
3. When 4 e-mail messages are received in the span of 1 hour asking when the Insider is flying home from Thunder Bay on Friday, the Spidey senses starts tingling.
4. The first birthday greetings received were from the Brother-In-Law.  Note that they were a day early.  Blame was placed on an 24-hour notification on reminders.  Silly IT-type people.
5. Three hours in the Thunder Bay airport is better than seven hours in the Newark airport, which in turn is still better than 5 hours in the Kugluktuk airport.
6. Ammunition against future claims by Paul - He does dance, and there is "video" evidence.
7. After seeing the new Bond film, Kimberly's new love is Daniel Craig. When asked if he ranks higher than Matthew McConaughey, two responses are given: 1. "That's a tough question". 2. "Hey, do you want to see the new Matthew McConaughey movie?".  Astute readers can guess the follow-up response from past issues.
8. Memo to marketing-type people moving to Chicago - Bears playoffs tickets are much more important than Oprah tickets.
9. The first night back in Winnipeg includes the Outcast arranging for the staff at Montana's to sing their version of the birthday song to the Insider, even though it was her birthday the following day.  This includes the "mandatory" wearing of moosehead antlers.  To any readers that ask, there is no camera present and the Insider will deny everything.
10. Celebrations for the Outcast's birthday includes her wearing a tiara.  Flashbacks from the previous month come roaring back.
11. The suggestions from the Outcast for a movie includes mostly chick flicks and animated movies.  See point #7 for the appropriate response.
12. Next week's edition might include the first annual Year in Review Awards.  Suggestions from readers may be used.

1. The week gets off to an auspicious start with Trina dropping f-bombs in front of little children.
2. The final tally for the injury count related to the past weekend's move includes a stomach injury.  Readers may question how someone can injure their stomach while helping somebody move.  Keep in mind that we're talking about Paul.
3. Some Haligonians are genuinely upset with the newly imposed provincial smoking ban.  Not that it will influence the appearance at the weekly Friday night spectacular.
4. Kim is shocked at being called only a mediocre event coordinator.  You only step up to being a super duper coordinator when you start serving full course meals at your events.
5. Opening line from a phone call received this week - "You know what I haven't had in a while?"  - Kimberly Robinson.  The mind goes wild at all the possible responses to that statement.
6. In response to Kim's announcement, Paul makes plans for the treatment of her office, and is quick to demonstrate to anyone who will watch.  For those playing at home, it involves him turning around and shaking his butt.  Not a pretty picture, and Trina has flashbacks to the "Glace Bay Experience".
7. Marketing type people have interesting lunchtime conversations.  Topics this week include:
   • What to pre-drink for the Christmas party.
   • Prizes being given away at the Christmas party.
   • The best way to organize cab rides.
   • The Geographer Cabbie.
   • Custom designed T-shirts.
   • Goings on in European youth hostels.
8. Native Edmontonian seems unsure about the selection of the lunch place in payment for helping her move.  Trust the Insider.  Harbour 60 is just a light lunch.
9. Some Marketing type people when presented with proposed points feel that they should always be the #1 point of the week.  The Insider is quick to point out that the points are always based chronologically, and that Marketing People shouldn't feel slighted under any circumstances.  The response - "I'm feeling the love… REALLY!".  (Whew - another bullet dodged.)
10. Remember this rhyme: "Beer before liquor, never sicker. Liquor before beer, never fear."  Marketing people need guidance.  Prairie people quote the mantra regularly.
11. Some individuals feel that going for a scalp massage is a worthwhile endeavour on a Friday night.
12. The Cable Guy causes Native Edmontonian all kinds of aggravation this week.   Marshall's retort - "Were you satisfied?".  An evil eyebrow lift may have been issued in his direction.
13. Conversations from Friday night at Philthy McNasty's remain OTR.
14. Kimberly discovers that copy Christmas parties are way more fun than accounting Christmas parties.  The after effects, however, are much worse.
15. The Insider claims the award for best dressed at the annual GT Christmas party.  Partial credit will probably also be claimed by the two Fashion Consultants who provided input into the shirt and tie selection.
16. Time to purchase the above outfit - 3 minutes.  Stores visited - 1.
17. The rowdy, troublemaking table is quickly identified.  Marketing type people agree with the assessment.
18. Despite the fine trade offers made (including a leather portfolio, pen set, and a Keith's hat & t-shirt), the Insider will keep the HBC gift certificate won at the Christmas party.
19. Table conversation includes the Bears, North American accents, and the definition of real cold.
20. Drink of the night - some sort of fruity concoction containing raspberries.  The Insider, who would never be caught dead with such a girlie drink, stuck with Keiths.  Other prairie people though.....
21. No real Walk of Shame candidate emerges.
22. Flying with a hangover really, really sucks.
23. If there is a sudden cold snap in Winnipeg on Tuesday, that would be a side effect of heck freezing over, as the Brom Bombers make the MBFFL playoffs.  Combination of things needed - Bears D and Robbie Gould combine for at least 7 points, with St. Louis being shut down for points.  Monday Night Football won't be stressful at all.

1. 14th floor staff members give the Insider advice on how to work a computer. Poke the bear…..
2. Given the events of the past weekend, Kim will probably be evaluating Mackie's choice of diet.
3. An Edmontonian Soap Opera was unveiled this week. Chants include "Keep it in your pants". For those playing along at home, Google the word "Pronger".
4. A gold letter week for the Insider. An e-mail is received from Air Canada advising that Prestige Status has been achieved. Perfect timing with the North American Tour now ended, and no real flights planned.
5. At the Wednesday comedy event, Paul seems temporarily stunned that the jerk chicken pizza contains jerk chicken as the main topping.
6. Acrobatic move of the week - The Sister catches her heel in the cord of the overhead screen, trips and falls flat on her face, ripping the overhead screen right off the wall, all in front of her grade 12 class..
7. Follow up response from the Insider - Did you at least stand up after the move with hands the air, scream "ta da" and claim that you stuck the landing to score a perfect 10?
8. Follow up to the follow-up response - "Did I offend you? (Glad to know my efforts are not in vain)".
9. Some 14th floor personnel learn quickly this week that if they volunteer on committees, they should attend all meetings. Otherwise, all kinds of tasks will get assigned to them in penance for missing meetings.
10. An e-mail with the subject line of "It's time to dust off your dancin' shoes!" prompts Kimberly to request a song at the upcoming GT Christmas Party for Paul - "It's Raining Men". The Insider will have to remind Kimberly of the pact made with everyone in the known world with respect to keeping Paul away from dance floors, DJ's, and live music in general for the safety of himself and everyone around him.
11. In an effort to be helpful, the Insider suggests the following song requests:
    • “I am Woman” by Helen Ready - For Paul Ellsworth (See IR Vol #1, Iss #1, Point #18)
    • "Oops! I did it again" - Britney Spears - Also for Paul Ellsworth (otherwise known as pulling an Ellsworth)
    • "Dance, Dance" by Fallout Boy - For National Office Team Captain
    • "Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top - For David Marshall
    • "Livin' on a Prayer" - Bon Jovi - For Kimberly (as she always to sing it while in the Insider's vehicle. Maybe someday, she might actually learn the words.)
    • "Little Know It All" by Iggy Pop feat. Sum 41 - For The Insider
12. Native Edmontonian risks the wraith of Leaf Nation in the office with her choice of ornament for the GT National Office Christmas tree.
13. A competition ensues this week in an effort to get the number one point in the Report for the upcoming week. For those playing at home, the points are listed chronologically, and therefore whatever happens first in the week appears first. The Insider now expects a flurry of e-mails first thing this upcoming Monday.
14. In the effort to make the first point, certain HR people said the Insider could make up any story required. The Insider, of course, would never outright make up an story. In a related story, there is no need to make up any stories when 15 minutes later, the same HR person indicated that "My mommy said I'm gorgeous". Some weeks the Report writes itself.
15. Quote of the week - "Watching the leafs getting their asses kicked. Perfect way to spend a night!" - Native Edmontonian. Follow-up statement - "Anything I say about the Leafs is never OTR".
16. The weekend move gets off to an auspicious start with the gum stuck on the seat in McDonalds.
17. Nickname given to the Insider this weekend - "Muffin". The Insider raises an eyebrow in disbelief. Silly marketing-type people.
18. Memo to self: Discuss the concept of taping up the bottom of moving boxes.
19. Readers are encouraged to ask Native Edmontonian what "driving the chicken" means.
20. Motivation taken by HR personnel to speed up the move - "It's too bad you're sick. You've still got to pull your weight".
21. The results of the move - Five hernia, Four backs a hurtin', Three glasses broken, two near heart attacks, and a Native Edmontonian in a new pad (Sung to the tune of the 12 Days of Christmas).
22. Congratulations and good luck, Kim.

Insider out.

November 27, 2006:

The self-proclaimed by some "Month of Birthdays" is now over.  The Insider will be grateful for the upcoming rest....

1. Follow-up e-mail received from last week's report: "Woohoo!!!!!!! I made # 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".  Marketing people get excited over the weirdest things.  The Insider's eye may have to go back for follow-up surgery following the excessive use of exclamation points.
2. Poor cold Torontonians.  They must get all bundled up when the temperature hits below zero.  In a related story, the Insider debates which icy beverage to order.
3. Quote of the week - "I have a big one at home!"  - Native Edmontonian.  Readers can attempt to figure out the context for this on their own.
4. Native Edmontonian also extols the virtue of pills this week.  Readers can attempt to figure out the context for this on their own.
5. A Winnipeg Sun story this week tells the story of how the city Brandon is importing beer from Alberta and rebranding it for the 125th anniversary of the city.  A quote was solicited from a random Albertan - "I love it!!!  First the oil, then beef, now the beer.  At least the rest of the country is finally catching on to who rocks!"
6. The latest conspiracy is started against the Insider.  Trina and Native Edmontonian feel that the Insider should continue to provide Trina with beverages in order to "gain the good feeling of doing a good deed for others".
7. A lame practical joke is attempted on the Insider this week.  Side bets were even taken as to when the Insider would notice.  Do they really want to wake the bear?  Standard counter intelligence efforts will now be initiated.
8. Overheard from Kimberly's office this week - "Yes, you still have to buy me a birthday card!"
9. It is discovered this week that women will need to stop to admire the window displays at the downtime Toronto Bay store, regardless if you are walking or driving.
10. In a related story, women also need to stop to admire Christmas trees.
11. Alternate quote of the week - "I should make a tree made out of balls!' - Kimberly Robinson.  Readers can attempt to figure out the context for this on their own.
12. Trina's fear of grates materializes this week with the sudden death grip on the arm of the Insider while going to grab some lunch.
13. An offer to take Kim out for her birthday because her husband got called into work turns into a 2 hour shopping trip, plus 50 KMs in driving, plus the dinner.  The Insider is still thankful that there is no current Matthew McConaughey movie playing.
14. The ongoing cries this week of "It's my birthday, so you have to do what I want!" brings back traumatic childhood memories.
15. When did "Poets" by the Tragically Hip become classic rock?  (Stupid Toronto radio stations).
16. Memo to Paul - if you drink 8 drafts in one night, you may wake up with a headache the next day.  Good thing Sundays are all about watching NFL football.

Insider out.

1. Trina's new deep sexy voice is blamed on the "head cold" she is experiencing.  The Insider recalls that Marketing people have used this tactic in the past.
2. Nickname of the week for Paul - "Half-pint".
3. A Marketing girl's response to the cookie exchange - Buy the ingredients and have someone else do the cooking.  Sounds like a guy's approach.
4. Quote of the week - Native Edmontonian is "looking for a few strong men".  Not sure why Paul was included in the e-mail, though.
5. Celebrity sighting of the week - Axl Rose, coming out of his Hummer limo in the basement of the ACC.
6. The members of the 14th floor have taken to assigning nicknames to everyone in the area.  Anyone want to venture a guess as to who "Loud Talker" is?  Hint - it's not the Insider. 
7. This week's episode of the Battlin' MacLeans has Mama MacLean perturbed over the lack of credit for stepping up and baking Aero Bar squares.  In an effort to keep the peace, the Insider takes full blame for not mentioning that the squares were made, in the haste to get out last week's report.
8. In a related story, Mama MacLean sells out Elder Battlin' MacLean by revealing EBM's talent determining whether Jays' fries have gravy on them or not, without opening the box.  As every submission received by someone with a last name of MacLean must be fact checked (see lots of previous Reports), the response received by EBM - "NO COMMENT!!!!".  Sounds like verification has been achieved....
9. Heather seems overly excited about the 80's them party - "I just need to say that this will be the best 80's music ever heard.  Kim sent me a list of like 400 songs and asked ME to deal with it so I'm also adding a few of my own. :).  EVERYONE WILL want copies of this multi CD collection."
10. In a related story, it is always best to check in advance if the host's CD player can read your burnt CDs.
11. The Insider receives a phone call from Paul on Saturday while shopping at Value Village for the 80's party.  Why wouldn't he just wear something from his existing wardrobe?  On second thought, his current stuff dates back to the 70's, and might not be current enough.
12. In a related story, the sweaters that Kimberly forced Paul to throw out (see IR Vol#1, Iss#30, Point #11) work just fine as 80's wear for her husband.
13. In modelling his "new" 80's clothes, the group quickly determines that the outfits Paul choose could be worn today, and is more chic than most of his current wardrobe.  The Insider suggests that Paul should choose the "opposite approach" when buying clothes (Seinfeld reference for those playing along at home).
14. Paul's best category in the Trivial Pursuit game - the Red one.
15. To close out the weekend - Bears win, Vikings lose, Brom Bombers maintain a 32 point lead in the week's game going into the Monday nighter.  Good game, Prime Time.  At least the Monday night game shouldn't be too stressful tonight.

Insider out.

November 13, 2006:  (issued November 16, 2006)

Under the category of better late than never, here's this week's Report.  Complaints on lateness can be expressed to the usual complaint department.

1. Follow-up e-mail received from last week's report:  "That yellow T-shirt is not even 6 months old!!"
2. The Insider once again learns that opening e-mails from anyone named MacLean while the laptop is connected to an overhead projector is a risky proposition at the best of times.
3. Quote of the week - "Typical man...wanting the woman to wait and still be appreciative." - Anonymous.
4. A huge debates ensues on the virtue of the "Red Stuff" at the buffet lunch.
5. Trina and Native Edmontonian start and continue conspiracies on the Insider supplying tasty beverages after their noon time run.  Outlook appointment requests are even sent out.
6. Alternative quote of the week - "National staff don't do anything" - National Office Team Captain
7. Given the colour of the shirt worn on Friday, Paul becomes scared to sit up front at the comedy show, in fear of being targeted by comics.  The Insider remains unconvinced that the shirt is the primary issue.
8. Paul stuns the table with the highly controversial discussion related to brain development being related to eating meat.  Subsequent investigations provide evidence to support Paul's claim, to the utter shock of some.
9. Native Edmontonian now claims she must be the smartest one, given the amount of Alberta beef consumed in her lifetime.
10. Second alternate quote of the week - "I have no culture." - Paul Ellsworth
11. When the waitress asks Paul and Heather if they are a couple, several quick responses run through the Insider's mind.  Best answer - "A couple of what?"
12. Third alternate quote of the week - "All that's on my mind was the sex." - Paul Ellsworth
13. Fourth alternate quote of the week - "I can be clueless." - Paul Ellsworth
14. This week's episode of the Battlin' MacLeans includes a directive by Baby MacLean to the Insider to specifically mention that Jay's Chicken was being served for the Monday night dinner.  The Insider assumes this represents the equivalent of fine dining in Glace Bay, and this directive is issued in order to enrage(?) Elder Battlin' MacLean.
15. The week concludes with another win in the MBFFL by the Insider.  Sorry K-Dog.  Next up, Prime Time.....

1. Kimberly accuses Trina of sitting on her hard-boiled egg that was left on the corner of Kim's desk.  Trina's reply - "I think I would know if she was sitting on an egg!"  Nurturing instinct maybe gone too far?
2. Trina laments that the only costumes on sale for women this year all involve skimpy skirts.  She indicates that she may have to resort with the Supergirl costume that she saw, and "how would that look in the office?"
3. The list of things that Kimberly has accused Trina of stealing from her office now include her sweater, binders, pens, and her John Meyer CD.  As Trina vehemently denies taking the CD, Kimberly now has resorted to placing a yellow sticky note on the CD case - "Trina did not take the CD".  Memory going in her old age?
4. Random e-mail received this week - "Paul must have quite the accent... he left me a voice mail and I have absolutely no idea what he said".  The Insider replies that generally Nova Scotians' accents start becoming unintelligible for three reasons:
   • They are in a rush and are talking fast.
   • They were talking to another person living in the homeland and the accent comes roaring back.  (see Robinson and MacLean(s) as examples)
   • They are drunk.
5. Native Edmontonian seems particularly upset that e-mail is being blocked back to the homeland.  Cheer up.  Is anybody really that eager to get another "Regards, Regards" e-mail?
6. One proposed solution for a National Office giveaway to business units - voodoo dolls in the form of your favourite National Office employee.
7. Kimberly continues the tormenting of the Insider with a 9 hour e-mail invitation to the One of a Kind show. Her response when the Insider responds - "Forget this tentative crap."
8. Quote of the week - "All Edmontonians are inbred."  - Native Edmontonian.  There was probably some sort of context for this, but darned if it can't be recalled.
9. The settlement of the CN Tower bet occurs this week with Native Edmontonian and National Office Captain putting on a lunch feast for the winners.  Not sure about the choice for music though.
10. During the initial part of the week, GT Sydney office employees may have been in trouble with certain Battlin' MacLeans after dipping into the Halloween stash and using up most of the milk reserves as a result.  This was more than made up for by the good word put in by the Insider for the efforts made in securing the birthday gift in a timely manner.  There may be a request for AeroBar squares made to Mama MacLean in the future.  Will the request be granted?  Further episodes of the Battlin' MacLeans will sure to include follow-up details. 
11. Note to Paul - when asking women about being able to keep sweaters, if the sweaters have a Byway tag, your mother did not make them.
12. Second note to Paul - you may want to consider not wearing old, faded, creased, yellow shirts to the office on Sunday unless you want to continue to be mistaken for the cleaning staff by other people who may be in the office.
13. According to some Haligonians, all men are immature.  Must be the rationale for marrying an older man.
14. In a crushing way to spend a Sunday, the Bears winning season comes to a grinding halt.

October 30, 2006:

Another week, another challenge to the Insider brought down in a non-event. The so-called "Inside on the Insider" that was threatened never materialized. As one reader points out:

"I would be the first to admit that that any report that would be a retort to the Insider Report, would be doomed to fail. If I was a bettn’ person, and I am, I would bet on it failing for the following reasons: 1) some of subjects in the report are generally more ‘speak first, think second’ people and thus makes their antics much more interesting than that of the Insider. 2) the Insider is far too reserved to let any thoughts escape without going through the rapid editing filters that some of us lack at moments throughout the day. 3) People are lazy." The Insider is still betting on the last reason. Bring it on.....

1. The week begins with another stressful MNF game, with the Insider up by 7 points going in, and his opponent still having a couple of players left to play. Moral of the story - never bet against the Insider. Record now stands at 4-3, which is probably 3 to 4 more wins than expected by everyone else in the league. And Native Edmontonian thought Oiler playoff games were stressful.
2. After driving by her old house, Trina is upset with the new owners cutting down her prize rose bushes. The Insider believes that by giving Trina a lot of money for the house, the new owners might be entitled to do renovations under the property laws of Ontario.
3. The details on the First GT CN Tower Climb Challenge can be found on the special supplement Insider Report that is issued this week. The challenges for the next CN Tower climb are already starting. The excuses for the loss by the women continue.
4. Quote of the week - "You try spending 4 days on your back". - Anonymous
5. The yellow light concept now must extend to Au. Note to David - women holding at the age of 29 might be a little sensitive on the "age issue".
6. A dark day this week - Native Edmontonian finds she can no longer wear sandals to work. Cheer up. At least Torontonians had to break out the winter gear before you packed away the summer wardrobe.
7. The Insider finds out about conversations between Kimberly and the Outcast (formerly known as The Sister). The fallout includes Kim suggesting (demanding?) that the Insider attend the "One of a Kind show" later in the month. The standard retort applies for whenever Kim suggests attending some sort of girlie type event - Kim, take your husband.
8. A heated discussion is witnessed between Kimberly and Trina on the location of Kim's sweater. Kimberly laments that she might buy Trina her own sweater to prevent Trina from stealing Kim's.
9. When Kimberly complains that she may be coming down with a fever, she suggests that either Trina or the Insider kiss her forehead to find out. After being genuinely shocked that both Trina and the Insider refuse, she comments that "Paul would do it." The Insider provides no further comment.
10. In a follow-up story, Kimberly relays the fact that after blowing her nose, she feels dizzy. The Insider is still not convinced that this wouldn't have happened without her being sick.
11. The new season of the Battlin' MacLeans starts with a birthday as Mama MacLean celebrates a special birthday ending a zero. The Insider is told that the primary gift involves ordering in something from Tiffany's, with little hearts to represent the three children. Or the three cats, whichever she prefers. (Props go out to a reader for the contribution of this line).
12. FedEx continues to be on the MacLean Hit List ("S" taken out from the start of one of these words to avoid spamming software issues). Something to do with delivery people not quite understanding how Glace Bay works. The Insider believes that the List now includes, or has in the past has included, Starbucks, FedEx, Air Canada, Shell, and various banks, but the Insider is too tired to maintain this list on a regular basis. Luckily, the FedEx complaint department can thank efficient GT personal in the Sydney Office for being spared the Wrath of MacLean.
13. The counter-intelligence manoeuvres begin this week against the "Inside to the Insider" report. This includes feeding false information to potential co-writers. Will they do fact-checking? Are they lazy? Bring it on....
14. Kim leaves a note for Paul this week. Per Paul: "It was a very nice note….even started out with 'Dear Paul', which is much different than a 'Dear John' letter. Indicated she dropped by and was very disappointed that I was not here and that there were clues that I was around….the green apple pop, the apple on my credenza, and my 80’s jacket". Readers should keep this note in mind for later in the Report.....
15. The term "Mook" is apparently not in the Cape Breton to English lexicon.
16. A sign on Kimberly's door for most of the week indicates "do not disturb", as she was in a course. The Insider is slightly upset when hearing others ask if the sign should read "Kim is disturbed?". The Insider, of course, is upset that the didn't think of the shot.
17. Alternate quote of the week - "I feel like I’m in a little hobbit house in here…..like the walls are closing in but I don’t want to leave. Weird huh?" - Kimberly Robinson after being in seclusion for the course all week.
18. Both Trina and the Insider raise an eyebrow when hearing the women ahead of Trina in line order mayo & ketchup on her bagel.
19. E-mail from Kim this week: "Okay on my bad food list so far is: Chinese food from food courts and egg sandwiches from the salad place. While I was eating it, something started to crunch."
20. Deborah pulls a Paul when she suggests that Kim looks pasty faced.
21. Cops should never try to fix their own computers. The correct approach is to have their wives demand that IT professionals buy them sushi dinners, and then fix the computer for free. (Stupid Robinsons).
22. Trina continues an ongoing discussion on what is "cold" for Torontonians. Note that this was on the way to breakfast where Trina was dressed in full winter regalia, including a scarf, with the Insider dressed in a short sleeve shirt.
23. After the breakfast trip, Trina realizes that she left her sister on hold.
24. When pictures are taken throughout the National office, the following is learned:
    • Most marketing people will pose for pictures at the drop of a hat.
    • Some finance people would rather take the pictures than being forced into having one taken of them. (picture of Trina withheld, but might be disclosed for the right price).
    • IT-type people pose for pictures with the arms folded at chest level.
    • Some marketing people are as camera shy as F&A.
25. The Insider can confirm that the new chocolate brownies from Dominos Pizza do indeed contain milk. So much for doing anything this weekend.
26. There isn't enough "Yellow lights" for this upcoming move. Previous reports (See IR Vol#1, Iss#12, Points#12 and 13) documented the difficulties that Kim had in providing Fashion Consultant advise to Paul. As his shopping excursion from Sunday proves, If he intends on going shopping without Kim in the future, he should not, under any circumstances:
    • Go to Holt Renfrew without her.
    • Go to Banana Republic without her.
    • Spend more than $1,000 on a wardrobe without her.
    • Buy everything at full price.
    • Tell Kim after the fact.
    • Ask her for a "second opinion" once everything has been bought and paid for, in a blatant effort to save face.
27. The weekend ended with a dominating win by both the Bears and the Brom Bombers. No need for a stressful Monday night to determine a winner. The trash talking may soon commence, with the now 5-3 season and third place standing.
28. Plans are well underway for the First Annual November Birthday Extravaganza. Details and invitations will be forthcoming, but one reader seems to be overly excited about the 80's theme being planned. Too excited some might say. Note to Paul: Your jacket and Farrah hair are both from the 70's, not the 80's.

Insider out.

Based on anonymous sources, the Insider presents the following:

1. Power bars should be consumed prior to 1 hour before the climb.
2. The National Team Captain (known as **Nickname deleted by editor**) discovers that going out the night before may not have been a wise last minute training move.
3. Does anyone from the National team know what anyone from the GT Toronto team looks like?
4. A final jog around the building after the climb proves challenging due to the "cold" Toronto weather.  Prairie people smirk in amusement, and debate whether to put on a jacket.
5. The Insider's latest Vegas odds of 7:2 with the women as underdogs prove fairly accurate with the men edging out the women for the side bet victory.  Lunch presentation is tentatively targeted for November 3 in the National Office lunchroom.  Additional exchange of cash completed second side bet.  Results of third site bet involving GT Toronto office are unknown as of press time.
6. Let the excuses for the side bet loss continue - "I was sick."  "I was still tired from the previous weekend."  "Au tricked me."......
7. Note to men:  Never let the losing team pick the menu for the side bet settlement.  Stock up on Pepto in advance.  This one may be messy.
8. After events included a Samuel L. Jackson sighting.  Sources had him being stalked through the crowds by some GT staff, which may have included pushing innocent bystanders aside.
9. Note to 14th floor:  GTNet Support may be a little grumpy/tired today.
10. The Insider sends congratulations to anyone who completed the climb.

• The Insider is never to be embarrassed.
• The Insider can make any editorial changes required for truthful or humorous reasons.  Heck, it does even need to be truthful.
• The Insider can refuse to print anything.
• The Report is all about current events.  The shelf life for submission is about 2 weeks at best in order to be considered for publication. (e.g.  That means that Baby MacLean is going to need to ask Heather or Kimberly about yoga mats, as that story would never appear in the Report).
• The Conditions are subject to change at any time based on the sole whims of the Insider.
• Fact checking will be enabled for any story relayed by anyone who currently has, or has ever had, a last name of MacLean, Bromilow, Robinson, Thompson or MacInnis.  May as well add Savoie too.  The exception is the Insider himself, who always relays the truth albeit with minor editorial changes from time to time.

1. The week started off with a stressful MNF game.  Being down 20 points and in order for the Insider to win his fantasy football game, the Bears defense and/or kicker had to score a bunch of points, and the Bears star receiver had to be shut down for limited catches and no TDs.  Following a half-time score of 20-3 against the Bears, things did not look well.  Moral of the story - never bet against the Insider.  Bears rally, defense scores 3 TDs, Insider wins.  More importantly, Bears win.
2. Note to Deborah:  When listing off names of heavy metal bands, do not include Our Lady Peace.
3. The new office was met with all kinds of security this week related to a concert at the ACC.  Security measures included searching of cars before entering the underground parkade, and installation of temporary metal detectors.  The Insider was unaware of the potential danger for Barbara Streisand concert goers.
4. In a related story, the Iron Maiden concert the previous day presented no additional security measures.  Not as tough a crowd?
5. On visiting the new offices, Kimberly laments on the need for a backscratcher.  Guess the big screen plasma TV isn't a good enough perk for her.  Different priorities for different folks.  When the Insider points out that she can scratch her own back, Kim retorts that Paul would scratch her back for her.  The Insider presents no follow-up comment.
6. It is found out that several GT maintenance agreements do not include the 14th floor offices.  Does this give the Insider carte blanche on spending?  Stay tuned.....
7. The latest story of Paul pulling an Ellsworth has been now deemed to be not OTR, but the shelf life has now expired.  Plus, it's too complicated to write all the details.  Readers are encouraged to contact Paul or the Insider directly for details. 
8. Kimberly relays great amusement in a voice mail message left by the Insider, where the Insider was accused of speaking somewhat faster than normal. 
9. E-mail received on Saturday - apparently Native Edmontonian is now sick, less than 12 hours before the CN Tower Climb challenge.  Another ready-made excuse for losing side bets?
10. A special supplementary edition will be (was) issued on the results of the CN Tower climb.
11. In the story of the week (year?), several female readers threaten the Insider with the publication of "The Inside on the Insider", representing a tell-all type retaliatory report.  The stories would be generated by polling other readers of the Report with the ladies being confident that there would be a bunch of submissions.  Knowing what's involved in writing a report, the Insider looks on with great amusement and offers the following reflections:
    • People are lazy.  This includes both the potential writers, and the potential sources of submissions.  The Insider doubts that the ladies are willing to invest in the time required in compiling submissions and composing the Response to the Report.
    • The Insider remembers the last time these same ladies offered to ghost write the Report during the European Tour.  Other readers will remember this as the Dark Ages when there was no report, as the ladies got "too busy".
    • The Insider fondly remembers previous challenges.  The ladies are encouraged to talk to Baby MacLean who caved within 30 seconds.
    • The ladies should also talk to people in Winnipeg and determine why the Insider's nickname was "The Emperor" or "The Devious One".

Bring it on....

Insider out.