October 9. 2007:

The following accounts of the Asian Leg of the Insider World Tour are the property of the Insider Inc.  Any rebroadcast, reproduction, or other use of the pictures and accounts without the express written consent of The Insider is strictly prohibited.  Note that Mr. Paul Ellsworth, Esq., may attempt to claim partial ownership.  The LEVEL (Legal Expertise of Very Expensive Lawyers) is on retainer for the inevitable challenge.

1. Interested readers are probably surprised to hear that nothing happened on the flight to Tokyo.  No crash landings, no delays, no cancellations.  The Insider considers this an auspicious start.  Muffin is sure to be disappointed, as she finds great amusement in the travelling mishaps of the Insider.
2. First meal in Tokyo - a traditional Japanese dish.  Can anyone tell that Paul is not on this leg of the trip?
3. The Insider can confirm (albeit with a limited sample size) that a Japanese bachelorette's fridge is significantly more sparse than a Canadian bachelor's.
4. Japanese toilets are automatic, including the toilet seat and the flush.  A little disconcerting when you are just walking past it to use the shower.
5. "If you want to go to sleep, just push the monkey off the bed" is not a phrase expected to be heard on the first night in Tokyo.
6. For some reason, the Tokyo guide displays a Japan national flag as his totem, ensuring that he won't stand out from the crowd.
7. While the drink box with strawberries on it may appear to look tasty, the Insider discovers half way through the box that strawberry milk may not have been the best choice as a beverage for someone with an allergy to milk.
8. Amount spent by the Insider at the Japanese market - nil.  Amount spent by someone who has been living in Tokyo for almost 3 years - more than nil.  Amount of packaging carried around by the Insider for the rest of the day - more than nil.  (The Insider is probably not the target audience for plastic trinkets or giant plush sumos.)
9. In addition to plush sumos, some people are also amused by monkeys in Hawaiian shirts.
10. Correction - plastic food is more fascinating than monkeys in Hawaiian shirts.
11. After taking samurai lessons, the Insider is considered a natural at the katana and shuriken.
12. The Japanese baseball games provided some interesting in-game rituals, including twirling of green plastic umbrellas after every home run.
13. The Japanese salespeople love their megaphones.  A walk down Electric Avenue proves that salespeople within 5 feet of each other will each shout at the top of their lungs to get your attention.
14. First meal in China - KFC.  Can anyone guess if Paul is now on the trip?
15. In a related story, the Insider asks Paul how many times he has eaten at the McDonalds next door.  The answer - not nil.
16. Paul ignores warning stories from the travel books on China and proceeds to have a $40 tea with the two nice "English teachers".
17. The Insider becomes confounded by the old style tin cans in the Beijing mini bar and manages to slice his thumb open while opening a Pepsi.  Hey Trina, if the cut turns a green color and is full of puss, is that a bad thing?
18. The cribbage game continues with predictable results.  The Insider concedes some games to Paul in order to keep up the suspense of the game.  Don't be fooled by Paul's claims otherwise.
19. The Insider is convinced that the two main rules of driving in Beijing is to lay on the horn and use the brakes as much as possible.  (This may be similar to the Cape Breton school of driving except for the brakes part.)
20. The U-turn and subsequent drive down the wrong side of the highway on the way to the Great Wall is eerily reminiscent of the infamous 2001 U-turn on the Jersey Turnpike.
21. The Insider does a quick cost benefit analysis and determines that the view from 2/3's up the Great Wall will be the same as the view from the top.  In his stubbornness, Paul climbs to the top.  Anyone want to guess whose legs were sore the next two days?
22. The corner store near the hotel in Beijing proves extremely economical with the cost for 4 beers (king cans), 4 bags of chips and 2 colas being the equivalent of $6.50.
23. With all the stuff made in China, one would think they would make more bottle openers.  Housekeeping is called on 2 separate occasions in 2 different cities in order to open the non twist-off bottles of beer.
24. It appears that the Insider's luck with electrical equipment continues - camera lost twice (once in Tokyo and once on the plane from Beijing to Xian) and it is recovered both times.
25. The day in Xian - a car almost runs over some people in the tour group on the way to the bus (which is parked a mere 10 feet from the hotel exit), a cyclist rear ends the bus (causing a delay and a heated debate between the driver, the cyclist, and the cyclist's grandmother), the Terra-Cotta Warriors are visited, and a near riot is witnessed (including a garbage can slammed on one person and somebody else stabbed).  Other than that, nothing to see.
26. Paul's idea of a way to kill time - reading the brochure from the travel clinic in Toronto about the communicable diseases he can catch.
27. Paul's contributions in writing the Insider's postcards are hereby OTR and quickly discarded by the Insider.
28. The vendors in Xian prove to be more aggressive than those in Beijing with the Insider almost being beat up by an elderly Chinese women.  The corner store, however, proves as economical as Beijing.
29. All kinds of security alarms are set off at the Xian airport.  The cause - the cribbage board in the Insider's checked luggage.  The Chinese ban on gambling may be a bit too strict.
30. The first travelling debacle of the Asian leg of the World Tour happens on the flight from Xian to Wuhan.  The Insider's linguistic skills in Chinese to English has the issue identified as "mechanical difficulties".
31. In a related story, Chinese to English is much easier than Cape Bretonese to English.
32. Quote heard four days after the Great Wall "it only took 4 days and my legs are feeling back to normal."
33. The first 2 hours of the bus trip from Wuhan to Three Gorges is a little long.  After the Insider found beer at the rest stop, the second 2 hours goes much quicker.  Kudos go to Paul for finding the cold ones in the fridge at the back.
34. Apparently one of the other tenets of the Chinese driving academy is to teach all professional drivers to drive right down the middle of 2 lane highways.  Lanes are for wimps.  It is unclear at the time of publication if this will be added to Cape Breton curriculum.
35. The breakfast on day 8 in the Three Gorges hotel is......challenging.
36. The Insider is unconvinced of the security procedures at the Three Gorges dam.  Why make people get off the bus (while leaving all the luggage on the bus) to go through a metal detector to get back on the same bus?
37. The shower on the boat is ....challenging.
38. The Insider is confounded by the eight point turn performed by the second boat in an attempt to move upstream towards the Lesser Three Gorges excursion.
39. Paul finds his first instance of Chinese porn with the postcards of the naked boat trackers.  He is disappointed to find out that they are all males, and subsequently relieved to find out that they now wear clothes when pulling the boats.
40. Paul now understands why there is a Happy Buddha.  Should anyone receive one as a gift from Paul, flip it over and check the bottom.  (Alternatively, interested readers can arrange for a private viewing of the one sitting in the Insider's office.)
41. While the Insider appreciates the 30 RMB Crown Royal on sale at the boat's bar, he is not sure that the 20 RMB mix is worth it.
42. In a related story, any guess as two which two Canadians close down the bar every night on the boat?  Note that this is not difficult given that the bar shuts down at 10:30 PM.
43. In a second related story, any guesses as to who the best customers of the bar are?  The paying of the bill in cash proves to be slightly disconcerting. 
44. The Insider suspects that sleeping on concrete would be softer than some of the Chinese beds.
45. When given of choice of crossing over the Bridge of Wealth or the Bridge of Health in Fengdu, guess which one the Insider chose?
46. Day 8 of watermelon for dessert proves.....challenging.
47. Note to Paul - when discussing good looking Chinese women, "the one with the long dark hair" is not really that helpful.
48. Quote of the trip - "At least I didn't swallow" - Paul Ellsworth.  The context is in a discussion about using tap water to brush his teeth, but readers are encouraged to make up their own back story.
49. The Insider becomes a temporary member of the Hong Kong YMCA.
50. The dinner at Pizza Hut in Hong Kong is......fabulous.  Nothing like good old fashioned North American style grease.
51. It is unclear at the time of publication if the Hong Kong guide breathes at all during her lectures.
52. No shopping to be found in Hong Kong.  Nope, none.  Certainly no discount outlets that Elder Battlin' MacLean would be jealous of.  Nope, none.
53. The Insider goes all the way to Hong Kong and all he gets is shampoo.  Muffin better appreciate the extra effort made to acquire her out-of-production-in-North-America brand.
54. Day 12 of watermelon for dessert proves ....challenging.
55. Paul officially hits the wall after assessing his mandatory attendance to the herbal museum.
56. The forensic audit continues, except this time in 5 different currencies (CDN, USD, Yen, RMB, HKD).
57. The Insider hits the wall during the tour of the gardens in Shaghai.  While the grounds may have been lovely to look at, the guide started to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher at that point in the tour.
58. Note to travellers: it helps if you don't pack your wallet and boarding pass in your check-in luggage after being forced to open it again for the highly suspicious crib board.
59. The China mail system proves to be somewhat inefficient as the Insider discovers that the postcards mailed 4 days into the trip have not yet arrived at the time of publication.  This is understandable, as given the reputation of the Insider, it is probably taking a huge amount of resources at the Chinese censorship board to try to figure out the double meanings, hidden agendas and codes used by the Insider in all writings.
60. The effects of jet lag include only getting 3 hours of sleep for each of the first 3 days back.  The counter-cure....Starbucks.  As some readers know that the Insider doesn't normally drink coffee, so the effects of the caffeine can well be imagined.
61. Sample pictures and movies are available on the Insider's Facebook page.  The full set of pictures can be viewed on the official website of the Insider - http://brommer71.spaces.live.com/

Insider out.